Crimson Soaking Through
by HazelEyes8D
Summary: Ed's been keeping a dark secret, and when Roy is the only one to know about it, how will he react? What will he do? Parental!RoyEd. Rated T because I hope that's the right rating... Written from Roy's POV.
1. Chapter 1

**Alright, so this is pretty different from my other stories.**

**It's written from Roy's POV, just to be clear. :P **

**Anywhos, enjoy! c:**

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Edward Elric was different.

Aside from his being an alchemical prodigy, he was different.

You would have never guessed at the truth about him.

Not even his younger brother, Al, knew. That was saying something, seeing as Al knew just about everything there is to know about Ed.

But not this.

No one knew.

When I found out, I was in shock. I couldn't respond, I had no idea what to do.

Ed had been…self-harming, so to speak.

The only reason I knew, was because I had accidentally hurt him.

He was going to try to confront the homunculi, specifically that one called…what did they call him? Oh, yeah, Envy. That was it.

Ed was going to try and confront Envy directly after we had just come out of a conflict with Scar. Fullmetal was already injured, and profusely bleeding. Being the stubborn brat that he is, he was refusing to come along with me – he insisted on going to track down Envy.

As Ed prepared to make a run for it, I had grabbed onto his left arm – his left wrist more specifically.

The younger alchemist had screamed in pain and jerked his arm away from me, eyes blazing. I looked down at my gloved hand, only to find that there was now a warm crimson liquid soaking into it.

No one else was paying attention to us, we were away from everybody else at the moment.

I had looked back up at him, full of shock and confusion.

"Fullmetal…?"

My voice had lost its commanding tone. It now came across softer, more concerned than anything else.

Edward wouldn't look at me.

"Edward. Let me see your wrist."

He had looked up at me then, and his eyes were full of fear.

I softened the look of shock on my face, and hesitantly took a step towards the blonde.

Ed had been cradling his wrist in his automail arm.

I had hesitantly uncrossed his arms, and slowly pulled his sleeve up, careful not to be too harsh on the raw skin.

It was worse than I had thought. In my head, I had envisioned 3, maybe 4 cuts on his wrist.

In reality, his arm had been covered in scars – both old and fresh. The most recent ones had been harshly reopened due to my previous stronghold on his arm.

I felt a sharp intake of breath as I took in the reality of the situation.

How…how could this happen? What on earth would drive this boy to such measures, that he felt the need to slit his own wrist?

….That was what had happened, only hours before now.

I was currently seated at my desk, lost in thought. I had forced Edward to come back with me.

It was clear I needed to do something, anything at all, about this.

I just didn't know what to do.

"Colonel?"

I was pulled out of my thoughts when I heard Ed's voice float towards me, uncharacteristically soft.

Ed had been sitting on the couch, but he was now standing before my desk. He looked so helpless, and it was in this moment that it was evident he was still just a child, lost in this world of adults.

"Yes?"

I looked up at him. He stared back at me, clearly conflicted.

I wish that I knew what to do.

Ed dropped my gaze, and stared at the floor. Silence hung in the room.

"Ed… Would you please tell me what's been going on?"

He remained staring at the floor.

He remained silent.

I sighed as I stood up and walked around to the front of my desk. I then lifted his face to look at mine,

"I want to help you. But I can't do that if you won't tell me anything."

If we had been in any other situation, Ed would have screamed at me for touching his face – not to mention I wouldn't have done that in the first place….

But right now, things were different.

Ed was different.

He looked at me for a moment, before questioning,

"Why do you even care?"

His tone was harsh, and guarded.

"Edward, whether you like it or not, I do care about you. Your safety matters to me, and it's a part of my job to look out for you. Even aside from all of that, I still care about you. I need to know what's going on."

He now yelled at me.

"Why? So you can make a full report about it, and then ship me off to some mental hospital?"

He had taken a step away from me, and a tear escaped from his golden eyes.

I had only ever seen Edward cry once or twice, when he was younger and had first joined the military.

Now, seeing him cry at the age of 16, it was much different.

I saw how truly broken he was.

"No, Edward… I need to understand what's going on, I want to be able to help you… I don't like seeing you like this."

Ed's expression remained the same – angry, hurt, afraid…

Another tear fell.

And another.

And another…

I instinctively stepped towards the smaller boy, and gently pulled him into my arms. I felt him tense for a minute, before he just gave in and leaned into the hug.

I closed my eyes. I could feel the tears beginning to form in my own eyes, and that wasn't going to happen. I needed to figure out what was wrong, and if I was crying, I doubt that Ed would tell me anything.

If he would tell me anything to begin with, that is.

I slowly let go of the younger alchemist, and walked him over to the couch to sit back down.

"I'm not going to force you into telling me anything, Ed. I just want you to know that I'm here, if you want to talk."

Ed seemed to be extremely interested in his own shoes.

"I… I don't know what there is to say…"

I remained silent. He had spoken, and wasn't yelling. This could go somewhere. I shouldn't push it.

"I guess… I've just… I've made so many mistakes, and I've caused so many people so much pain. I destroyed my own family, and I didn't even realize how empty and lonely Al has been feeling all these years. Al has every right to blame me for everything, because it's true. It is my fault. Everywhere I go, I hurt people and mess things up. No matter what I do… I just can't seem to do anything right… Whenever Winry shows up, I always make her cry. I don't know how to show people that I care… I just hurt. And no one hurts me in return. So… I guess I turned to…cutting, because I deserve it."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

Is that really how he felt?

Did he really believe he _deserved _to cut himself?

"That's not true. You may not be the best at expressing your emotions, but people know you care. Especially Al. I doubt Al blames you, you're the one who brought him back. You gave up your right arm to get your brother back, and have devoted your entire being to fixing your mistakes. You put everyone else ahead of yourself. I know that you do your best to make things better for people, and to do the right thing, just sometimes you do go about it the wrong way. But that doesn't make you a bad person, Ed, it makes you human. Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone learns from their own mistakes. You most definitely do not deserve to be hurting yourself. I know for a fact that you deserve so much better than that, Ed. Don't go down this road. It isn't too late to get help, to turn from this."

"How do you know that it isn't too late?"

"Well, you're still here, aren't you?"

Ed slightly nodded.

I stared at him for a moment.

"How long has this been going on?"

He was silent.

"…Almost a year, give or take a few months."

_What?_

A year? And no one noticed until now?

I felt my stomach drop.

I didn't think it would be as bad as that.

But I didn't notice.

The kid is clearly a good liar.

Too good.

Just then, a knock sounded on the door, before Lieutenant Hawkeye entered.

As she took in the scene before her – Edward sitting on the couch who had visibly been crying with his bloodied wrist slightly exposed, and me seated next to him, she widened her eyes and said,

"Oh! Forgive me, sir. I did not mean to interrupt."

"Relax, Lieutenant. It's fine."

I glanced at Ed, who seemed to know what I was thinking, and said,

"She's already seen. It doesn't matter to me now."

He sounded so… empty.

I looked up at Riza, and beckoned her closer. She slowly walked towards us, and kneeled before Ed.

"May I…?"

Her voice was hesitant, as she gestured towards his wrist.

Edward gave a slight nod.

Hawkeye gently took his hand, and pushed back his sleeve in order to examine the damage done.

While inspecting his arm for a moment, her brow became furrowed and her eyes deep with concern.

"I…I think I should go get the first aid. The cuts aren't severe, but they're deep enough that they could become infected. I'll be right back."

With those words, she swiftly stood up and exited.

Once the door was closed, Edward spoke.

"Are you going to tell the others?"

He was obviously referring to the rest of my team, who was currently in the work room on the other side of my office door.

"No. This doesn't concern them."

Ed visibly relaxed a little, but then added,

"What about Al? Are… are you going to tell him?"

"No, that's not my place. He is your brother though, and he has the right to know. He's bound to find out sooner or later. Things like this can never remain secrets. They always find a way to coming to the light. Like today…"

Ed took a deep breath.

Silence resumed.

Hawkeye then returned with the first aid kit, and immediately set to attending to Edward's arm.

"Now, this will probably sting a little… I'm sorry…"

Ed winced a little as Riza gently rubbed a disinfectant onto his open wounds before taking a bandage and wrapping it around his arm a couple times and then securing it.

"There. That should help with the healing…"

I realized now that Ed's injuries from earlier were still unattended.

"Ed… We should probably get you to a hospital." I saw his eyes flash, and quickly added, "Not for that. For what Scar did."

He seemed to accept this with defeat.

"But… If I go to the hospital, won't they see…?"

He nodded slightly towards his bandaged arm.

"Probably. I'll try talking to the doctors, but I don't think I can work anything out for you…"

Ed hated hospitals and doctors already. Sending him there now wouldn't help that.

But there was no other way.

I stood up, as did the Lieutenant, and reluctantly Ed followed suit.

All three of us exited my office, and were now in my car driving to the hospital.

Ed surprisingly hadn't put up a fight in getting into the car.

I guess he was beginning to realize that there was no way around it. The truth would be known, one way or another.

I just hoped that this meant he would stop.

It kills me to see him like this.

"Colonel?"

Ed's voice quietly sounded from the backseat.

"Yeah?"

"...Thanks."

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**Alrighty, so let me know what you think! **

**I am open to make this multi-chaptered... It depends, on how this is received by readers and also on my time management XD**

**So feedback is encouraged :3**

**I wrote this to take a break from my other FMA story, just to change it up for myself a little bit.**

**Also, in case it might have seemed like it, I do NOT support self harm, in anyway whatsoever. I just wanted to write about it.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Review? c:**

**- HazelEyes8D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much to all the people who reviewed, favourited, and followed! :D **

**I had a snow day yesterday, and so I pretty much spent all day writing. :3**

**Anywhos, I hope you like it!**

**I have edited and revised the ending of this chapter, over and over. XD**

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Ed had been situated into a hospital room.

The Lieutenant had returned to Central Command, which left me to talk to the doctors.

The severity of Ed's injuries from Scar – a deep cut to the head, as well as a total of 7 broken ribs, were the main cause of concern, not to mention his automail arm was just about useless.

His wrist had gone unnoticed by the medical team, so far.

But I knew it was only a matter of time before they discovered his bandaged wrist.

Currently, Ed's head was bandaged, and now the doctors needed to deal with his ribs.

He had 4 broken on one side, and then 3 on the other. It was decided that they would not only give Ed some pain killers, but also give him an epidural located in the middle of the breaks, so as to evenly spread the medicine.

I was told to sit in the waiting room until further notice.

As the doctors had led Ed through the emergency room doors, he looked back at me briefly, and the look in his eyes was indescribable… He looked hollow, pained, lonely…

I wanted to be there for him, but there were currently two large white doors in the way of that.

I wanted to know he was okay.

How did he last so long, without mentioning the pain in his ribs?

At the same time, Ed seemed like an open book yet also completely unreadable. How was that even possible?

I couldn't sit still in the chair anymore. I took to pacing the waiting room floor.

Just then, the giant suit of armour that was Alphonse Elric came barrelling into the waiting room.

As he noticed me, he frantically asked,

"Where's my brother?!"

"It's okay, Alphonse. He's currently being taken care of. You don't need to worry so much. The doctors know what they're doing."

If only I could take my own advice…

"What happened?"

"There…there was a conflict with Scar."

"WHAT?"

"Relax, Al. We should be allowed in to see him soon enough."

Funny how level headed I must seem, when in reality I wanted to know the situation just as bad as Edward's brother does.

After what seemed an eternity, a doctor finally came into the waiting room.

"Colonel Mustang?"

"That would be me."

I approached the man, as did Al. The look on the doctors face did not seem too comforting.

"He's still awake, you're welcome to go see him now. However there are some concerns I would like to address with you about Edward…"

Al had already taken off to go see his brother once he was given the welcome.

I said nothing and waited for the doctor to continue on.

"The boys wrist… I'm assuming you know about it, seeing as it was bandaged prior to his being here?"

"…Yes."

"Who are his parents?"

"His mom passed away when he and his brother were very young. As for their Dad, he left them before that…"

"Does he have a legal guardian, then?"

"Um… I guess if needed, that would be me…"

"I think Edward should be taking anti-depressants. His mood, and the marks on his wrist… These are not positive signs, Colonel. How long have you known?"

"I found out only today… But, anti-depressants? Do you really think that's necessary? He's only 16."

"We are well aware of Mr. Elric's age. That doesn't change the circumstances, I'm afraid… As for his head wound, it needs to be kept bandaged, and he should be taking some of these for the pain in his ribs." As he said this, he handed me a bottle of pills.

He then reached into his white coat, and withdrew another pill bottle.

"These are the anti-depressants we think he should be on. However, I think keeping Edward here for a few days of observation would prove helpful. But we can't force you to keep him here. We are keeping him overnight though."

More like_ I_ can't force _Edward_ to stay here…

"Thank you."

The doctor handed me the other bottle of pills, before allowing me to pass on through to Ed's room.

As I opened the door, I saw Al, frozen in shock, right in front of the door.

"Brother, tell me what's going on!"

I carefully shut the door behind me, and stepped out from behind the giant armour. Ed's wrist had been unwrapped, in order to stick an IV in. This meant that his cuts had been exposed, open to the public-eye, and more importantly – his brother.

Ed was silent for a few moments, before he quietly murmured,

"Al, I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"

More teardrops fell from the blonde haired boy's eyes for the second time today.

"That doesn't explain anything! Why would you do this to yourself? You already lost one arm, and now you go around messing up your other one? Do you realize you could end up losing that one too? You should be thankful you even have a body, that you can feel things. I can't! Do you know what it's like, to have no feelings? To be like a machine? It's like not being alive. I wish I could feel, but I can't. And you, you can, and you go around messing with your own life! What right do you have to do that?"

I was shocked. I had never heard the younger Elric sound so… angry before. No, angry wasn't the right word… Hurt? Conflicted? No… it was disappointment.

Ed stared down at the bed.

"You're right."

Those two words held so much emotion in them. Pain, regret, fear, anger, full of self-hatred.

It was those words that broke me. I felt the tears stinging in my eyes.

These brothers were so close… Al… how could he say that to his brother? I understood that he was hurt, and confused, but still… Seeing them like this, it upset me. I wanted to be able to help, but it was quite clear that this was between the two of them. I couldn't do anything, nor was it my place to. This was between them.

Al slowly backed up out of the room, leaving his brother.

I remembered how worried Al had been… And now, he wasn't even staying with his brother.

Who am I to judge that, though?

If I had been in his place, I probably would've reacted the same. I might have even been harsher…

I blinked away the tears.

"Colonel?"

I turned at the sound of the boy's voice.

"What is it?"

"He's right. Al is right. He can't feel anything at all, and here I am, abusing that privilege… I don't have any right to do this to myself, but that doesn't mean I won't…"

Ed's face was full of concern, and his body seemed so small compared to the giant white canvas of the hospital bed he was sitting on.

"Ed. Al is your brother. He reacted the way he did because he cares about you, and he doesn't want to lose you. He doesn't want you to ruin your life at your own hands. He has every right to be upset. And so do you."

Ed's golden eyes locked with mine. Looking into those eyes, so full of pain yet lifeless and empty at the same time… It gave me chills.

"The doctors would like to keep you here for a couple of days, under observation. They won't force you to stay, but it could be good for you, to just get away from it all for a little while."

The look on Ed's face clearly stated that he would by no means be staying here any longer than he has to.

"I figured as much. But they are going to keep you overnight. Protocol."

Ed gave a slight nod.

A silence fell over the room.

"Ed… I hope you know you can trust me. I don't want to always be prying, I just want you to know that if you ever need to talk about anything, I will listen. Especially if it means avoiding situations like the current one."

Ed remained silent, staring at the sheets.

"Also, the doctor gave me the painkillers you're supposed to be on for the next little while. He also… he thinks you should go on anti-depressants."

"WHAT?"

Ed winced a little, clutching at his rib cage, as he sat bolt upright and turned towards me.

"No one has a say in this. It's either anti-depressants or hospitalization for who knows how long. It's your choice."

"…Whatever."

Ed grudgingly looked at me, and then returned to staring at the sheets.

All that could be heard was the heart monitor's rhythmic beep, informing the room of Ed's heartbeat.

It seemed slower than normal.

I had seated myself next to Ed's bed, and we both sat in silence for a few minutes.

I wanted to say something, anything.

But I was unable to think of anything.

My brain was numb. It had been a long day, not to mention stressful.

Just then, a nurse entered the room.

"I'm sorry, Colonel, but visiting hours are over. I'm afraid you need to go home now."

I got up to leave when I heard Ed's protest.

"Wait! Why can't he stay?"

Ed stared at the nurse, which seemed to make her uncomfortable.

"Um… That isn't exactly regulation… "

"Come on. I'm a state alchemist, not to mention he's a Colonel. We're both military. Is there no exception when it comes to situation like these?"

"I… I don't think so, sir."

"It gets awful lonely and boring in here though. And who knows what I might try and do, if I begin to feel depressed again…"

Was Edward blackmailing this poor nurse?

I had to hand it to him, he knew exactly what to say to hit it home.

"I suppose something can be arranged. Sorry for the inconvenience, sir."

"That's alright."

The nurse exited the room, visibly flustered.

"That was abuse of your position, Edward."

"Oh please, like you never abuse your position to get what you want."

His tone was biting, yet somewhat back to his regular self. Which was good.

"So why did you want me to stay?"

"Like I said, it gets lonely in a disgustingly white hospital room all night."

I looked at Edward.

Did he really just say that?

Normally he can't wait to leave my presence, but now he was asking me to stay with him?

Edward sighed.

"I'm just afraid to be alone with myself… In a lot of ways, I guess you could say that I'm my own worst enemy…"

He definitely isn't alright.

Ed's mood had shifted right back into his previous desolate one. He looked tired.

I had sat back down in the chair next to him, after turning out the lights. The moon was illuminating the room with its pale, ghostly light.

"You should probably try and get some sleep, Fullmetal."

Ed nodded, and slowly reached up to untie his braided hair with one arm. As he did so, he winced slightly. His golden hair fell to his shoulders, and he lay down on the bed.

His legs were nowhere near the end of the bed. If the expression on his face hadn't have been so solemn, he would have looked like a small child. In fact, he still did.

He closed his eyes, and let out a shaky sigh.

A single tear escaped from underneath his eyelids.

It was one of the saddest sights I've seen. And that's saying something, considering everything that happened in Ishval.

I hesitantly reached out my hand, and gently dried the smaller boy's tears.

I then gently laid my hand on top of his left one, and just as I was about to pull away I felt his hand grab onto mine. I looked to his face, and saw that he was staring at me, his eyes swirling with undistinguishable emotions. I gave him a comforting smile, and gave his hand a small squeeze.

"Night, Colonel."

"Goodnight, Fullmetal."

Edward closed his eyes again, and I listened as his breathing began to even out.

I glanced over at him again, to see that silent tears had made a damp pool on his pillow.

I wanted nothing more than to make this boy's pain disappear, but he seemed unreachable.

He continued to clasp my hand as he slept.

I slowly brushed the hair off of his face, and gave him a small kiss on his forehead.

He seemed so incredibly small and innocent. How could this have happened? He was only 16.

Ed had been so strong over the years… But now it was clear he was breaking.

He was already broken.

And my heart went out to him, I had almost taken to him as if he were my own son.

He didn't have anyone to take care of him. He was so used to being the one to take care of everyone else, being the strong one.

But what happens when he can't be the strong one anymore, no matter how hard he tries?

Today clearly answered that question.

Ed needed someone that would be there for him, when he couldn't be there for himself.

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**This story is definitely not going to ever ever ever end up with Roy and Ed being together, just so you guys know. It says parental in the description, and parental it shall remain! **

**I don't like Roy and Ed together together... it just... doesn't sit well with me. **

**And I know there are probably some people who read this who might want it...more than parental...and if that's how you want it, then feel free the picture it that way in your head. But I will not write it that way. :P**

**I would like to thank Shadow, for you review, because I couldn't message you about it, I feel the need to thank you here. Your feedback was awesome, thank you so so so much! :D I'm so shocked (and happy) that you said my story touched your heart, c': **

**Thanks again to everyone who read, reviewed, favourited, etc.! You guys make me so happy :3**

**Let me know what you think! Review! c:**

**- HazelEyes8D**


	3. Chapter 3

**I would just like to thank Z. U for their reviews, because I couldn't message them about it! :3 Also, I completely agree with you about the whole RoyEd thing. Roy is too old, Ed is too young, and neither are gay... :P**

**Anywhos, on with the story!**

**This chapter is slightly longer... I went on a bit of a writing rampage :D**

**Enjoy! c:**

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I woke up in slight daze, unaware of my surroundings.

I shot open my eyes, and took in the scenery around me.

The blank white walls, the bright fluorescent lighting, the smell of disinfectant… The blonde boy curled up in the bed next to where I was sitting, faintly clutching my hand and sleeping.

He looked so… at peace. And happy, like the carefree youth he should be.

But he lost all rights to having a childhood long ago.

And here we both were, in the hospital, trying to make sense of what to do…

I gently pulled my hand away from his, trying my best not to disturb him.

Sleep seemed to be the one place he could stop caring, and escape the reality he was living.

Edward shifted ever so slightly as I tried to free my hand, and sighed in his sleep.

I stood, staring at him for a moment.

What do I do now? I know I keep asking myself that… but I just don't have any ideas.

A nurse entered just then, to check on Ed.

"Everything seems to be fine, Colonel."

She spoke softly, but cheery all the same.

"Do you think he should go on the anti-depressants?" I blurted out, without thinking.

She looked a little taken aback, but she replied with the former lightness in her voice.

"It's not really my place, sir. But… If it helps anything, I don't think it would hurt to see how he does with them. You never know until you try."

With that, she smiled and took her leave.

I sighed.

I knew that everyone here would say the same thing, that he should at least try them.

But that didn't change anything in my head…

I should listen to the doctors. They know what they're dealing with.

I don't have a clue what I'm dealing with.

But… Anti-depressants just seem so…drastic, and serious.

He was just a kid. He shouldn't have to be going through any of this…

But he was. And there had to be something done to help him.

Ed can't go on living like this.

I began to pace the room, lost in my own thoughts, when I heard a slight noise, that almost sounded like, "Roy". I turned to Ed, to see him looking back at me. He continued speaking.

"What's going to happen now?"

His voice still had traces of sleep in it, and he looked at me expectantly.

I wanted to be able to answer him, but I was at a loss for words.

I didn't know what to tell him.

I opened my mouth, to try and say something – anything at all.

But no noise came out.

I took a deep breath.

"I'm not sure."

Ed nodded, and turned to look out the window. I wasn't doing a very good job of making things better for him.

I told Ed that I would be right back, and exited the hospital to talk a little walk, clear my head.

I had just made it outside into the cool, morning air, when I saw the younger Elric sitting on the steps.

"Alphonse…? What are you doing?"

"Huh? Oh, nothing really… Just thinking."

I sat down next to him. I felt sorry for the both of them, and the situation they were in.

I couldn't say how Al must be feeling right now, I couldn't imagine what it would be like.

It's hard enough to find out that someone you care about is self-harming, but… When they're your only family left, and the one person in the world you care most about… The older brother you've looked up to all these years… I couldn't begin to fathom it.

Al sighed.

"I just… I don't understand why he didn't tell me sooner. I thought I knew everything about him, and that we were both there for each other no matter what. I… I feel as if it's my fault that he started… All those times that I left him alone to go spend time with Winry, because he was too busy researching. Researching to save _my_ body. I've taken up his entire life, and he had given up everything for me. I don't… I don't know what to do. I'm scared. I don't want to lose the only family I have left, and… yelling at him isn't going to make things any better. In fact it probably made him feel worse…"

If he had possessed the ability to cry, I knew that Al would be.

"He clearly didn't want anyone to know. And as hard as it is to accept it, now that we know we can't very well ignore it or brush it off… Ed needs you, Al. You two have been through everything. I'm sure he wants nothing more than to just talk to his brother right now."

Of course, I didn't know that for sure. But I'm sure there was at least a small piece of Ed – no matter how small it may be, it was still there – that wanted to talk to his brother.

And it also seemed to cheer Alphonse up slightly, seeing as the suit of armour stood up and walked into the hospital.

I contemplated following, but decided against it.

This was something between two brothers, and I had no place in it.

They had to work things out, talk things over, make it okay between the two of them again.

I was just the catalyst that brought that about.

I stood, and began walking down the streets of central. I realized I hadn't eaten since yesterday, around 11 a.m., and I was starving.

My stomach was voicing this, and I decided to stop in at a small café to get a bite to eat and a coffee to wake me up.

Once I finished eating and paid the waitress, I slowly made my way back to the hospital.

It wasn't that I didn't want to see how things were, it's more that I still hadn't figured out what I should do.

I entered Ed's hospital room, to find him talking with a doctor and nurse.

Well, arguing would be a more accurate word.

Al was sitting beside Ed, in the chair I had previously occupied.

"I don't need them!"

"Mr. Elric, all the symptoms of depression are there. This is not healthy behaviour, and we only have your best interest at heart. Please."

Ed stared at the doctor, his eyes burning.

Neither the doctor nor Edward showed any sign of backing down.

"I'm not taking any happy pills. I'm not crazy."

The doctor sighed in frustration. The nurse just watched the situation, eyes wide, clearly unsure of what she should do.

"No one is saying you're crazy! All we're saying is that taking this medication will only benefit you. You have nothing to lose by taking these."

"I don't need medication, I'm perfectly fine!"

"Brother… Stop saying that. Just listen to them. They know what they're doing." Al's quiet voice brought about a tense silence.

All eyes were on Ed, who was just staring at his younger brother, concern written all over his face.

The blonde sighed in defeat, and slowly stuck out his hand for the pill the doctor had been trying to get him to take for, according to the nurse, the last half hour.

Ed reluctantly put the pill in his mouth before chasing it down with a glass of water. It took him a couple tries to do this though, apparently swallowing pills wasn't his thing.

The doctor then stiffly walked out of the room, followed by the nurse.

The moment the door was shut, Ed said,

"Damn that bastard…"

I smiled a little, it was good to see that Ed still remained in absolute hatred of anything to do with hospitals and doctors. A trait that was so common in his old self…

But… He was still the same person, and I couldn't really say "old self" seeing as he had been keeping this up for months without anyone noticing…

"Brother…Thanks. For listening to him."

Ed was silent for a moment, before quietly saying,

"I wasn't listening to him… I was listening to you."

It was nearing 11:30 a.m. now, and I still hadn't figured out what to do.

"Are you hungry?" I asked, breaking the brief silence in the room.

"Yeah. Like I would ever willingly eat hospital food."

"Well, then get dressed. There isn't any reason to keep you here longer. I'll take you to get some food once we're done here."

Ed glanced up at me briefly, and for a second I swore I could see gratitude in his eyes.

I left the room, to go talk to the secretary about Ed's leaving.

Once the information had been processed, Ed had showed up clad in his usual black leather pants and red coat, with Al behind him. He still had the bandage on his head, and his hair looked as if he had just thrown it back into a ponytail.

The secretary told us it was okay to leave now, and so by noon we were walking down the streets of central. This was seemingly normal, but… I couldn't shake the feeling that Ed was still holding something back.

We went into a small diner, of Ed's choosing, and sat down. I was still full from my late breakfast, and so I only ordered a cup of coffee. As for Fullmetal, well, he basically ordered the entire menu.

Once Ed had finished eating, I went up to pay at the counter, and we found ourselves once again walking the streets.

"So…Have you found out what's going to happen with me now, Colonel?"

I sighed.

When I had left Ed for him to get dressed, the doctor who had previously been in the room stopped me to talk.

He told me that he didn't think Ed should be left alone, and should be under the care of guardian for a little while if he refused to remain in the hospital for observation.

I didn't exactly know how to bring this up, and I didn't exactly want to either.

For one thing, there's no telling how Fullmetal might react. Sure, he has been incredibly different the past 24 hours, but… he was still the same Edward Elric who referred to me as Colonel Bastard as if it was my christened name.

But… It wasn't as if we had much choice in the matter. The doctor made me sign those papers stating he would be under my care, and as a Colonel if I broke those legal documents…It wouldn't be good.

But then again, how would they even know?

"The doctors told me that you shouldn't be left alone. That you should be living with a guardian for the next little while, because you refused to stay hospitalized for observation."

Ed stopped walking, to stare incredulously at me.

"And…?"

"And… They made me sign some papers stating that you would be with me."

I waited for him to yell, or do anything.

But instead, he just stared at the ground.

"I never meant to mess things up like this… I didn't think my actions would affect anyone but me… But all that's happened since… since the secret surfaced, has proved me wrong. Not only did I force you to let Scar escape, but then you had to spend all of yesterday trying to deal with me, and now…now you're being forced into having me around 24/7… I'm sorry… I'm sorry I'm such a burden."

Al and I both stared at the older Elric.

Something told me that both Al and I didn't expect this reaction.

"Edward… You're not a burden."

He remained staring at the ground.

I placed a hand on his back, and gently pushed him forward, to continue walking.

The three of us just walked around for a little while, until Al said,

"Well… Winry's supposed to be getting of a train soon, and Brother and I said we would meet her… But, I'll go, considering the…change of circumstances. I'll call you later, Ed."

As Alphonse said these words, he hugged his older brother, before leaving.

I glanced at my watch.

It was around 6 p.m.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine. Although, my ribs are starting to hurt again…"

I realized then that walking around with several broken ribs mustn't be very comfortable at all.

We began to head back to my place, and once there, Ed's eyes widened at the sight of my house.

It wasn't all that grand, but considering Ed came from the tiny country town of Resembool and hasn't had a real home in years, I could understand why he seemed so…in awe of it.

We walked up the steps, and as I unlocked the front door, Ed was taking in all of his surroundings.

As I opened the door and flicked on the lights, Ed wandered in, and seemed to be lost in his own wonder.

I laughed a little at the young boy's reaction.

Finally he spoke, after taking in the staircase in the centre, with the library branching off to one side and the kitchen to the other.

"This…is your _house?_"

"Yes, Edward. This is my house."

I hung the keys on the hook by the door, and took off my jacket.

"Come on, I'll show you where you can stay."

I led him up the stairs, and had to pause as he stopped in his tracks when he reached the top of the staircase.

I then rolled my eyes and continued to lead him through a couple halls, pointing out the bathrooms and things like that.

We arrived at his room, which was only a few doors down from mine, in case something happened. (Not my thinking, the doctors.)

"I don't think I could escape this place, even if I wanted to…I don't even know if I can find my way back to the stairs again."

I smiled at Ed, and left him in the room while I went to get him a glass of water for him to take the painkillers with.

Ed scowled when he saw me take out the pills.

"Relax, these are just the painkillers."

He still didn't look happy about it though.

I handed him the water and the pill, and he stared at the pill with disgust before placing it in his mouth and chugging the whole glass of water in one go.

"Thirsty?" I asked, not bothering to suppress the amusement in my voice.

Ed gave me an annoyed look, and said,

"No. If I don't do that, the pill won't go down."

My eyebrows raised slightly, and I just shook my head.

"Well, let me know if you need anything then, I guess…"

As I made to leave, Ed's voice stopped me.

"Do you think you could show me the library?"

"Of course."

I led the young alchemist to the library, and once there he was instantly absorbed in the bookshelves. He had selected a couple of ones that he had deemed interesting, and instead of going to the table or couches, he went to the centre of the floor and lay down. He surrounded himself with the books.

It was good to see him doing something productive. He seemed to not mind being here as much as I thought he would, in fact he almost seemed happy about it.

But that could be the anti-depressants he was forced to take.

Either way, he wasn't so empty and hollow looking right now. And that was good.

I headed over to the kitchen to begin cooking dinner.

**-Line Break-**

We had finished dinner, and Ed had gone back to the library, when the phone rang.

"Colonel Mustang."

"Hello, Colonel…I was wondering if I could talk to Ed?"

Al's shy voice came through the receiver.

"Sure." I told Ed that Al was on the phone, and he picked up the line that was in the library.

I cleaned up the dishes, hearing little snippets of conversation from the library.

I then decided to give Ed a little bit more privacy, and went upstairs to my study.

Time escaped me, and I realized that it was almost midnight now.

I quickly got up and went to check on Ed. I saw a light on in the library at the bottom of the stairs, and I went down to see what he was up to.

The sight I was met with…wasn't a pleasant one.

Ed was lying on the couch, his left wrist hanging off the side, seemingly in a daze.

I ran over to him, and as I kneeled beside him I noticed he held a letter opener in his right hand – the one that I had kept in the desk over by the window.

I took a shaky breath, and dared myself to look at the boy's wrist.

He had taken off the bandages from the hospital, and there were fresh cuts residing there.

The blood had dripped down into his hand, creating a small pool in his palm, every so often dripping to the floor.

"Edward…" My voice was shaking.

Hell, _I_ was shaking.

I didn't even know if he could hear me. He was still breathing, but…something about him told me he wasn't entirely here.

"Edward…talk to me…"

I took the letter opener out of his hand, and set it down beside me.

He was unresponsive.

How could I let this happen?

He was fine earlier. He was absolutely fine.

Or…Was he?

I was not equipped to deal with this.

But I had to.

I had taken to gently shaking his shoulder to try and get his attention.

After what seemed an eternity of me shaking him, repeating his name, he slowly slid his gaze to meet mine.

I felt the breath gush out of my lungs as he finally showed some signs of consciousness.

"Colonel…Why are you crying?"

I hadn't even realized I was, but sure enough, as I reached up to touch my face my fingers met damp skin, littered with tears.

I didn't answer his question.

"What happened?!" I demanded, the emotion raw in my voice.

Ed dropped my gaze, and took to staring at the moonlight on the carpet.

"Nothing."

"Obviously something happened, Ed. You don't just cut yourself for no reason…"

"Well, nothing happened."

I didn't know what to say. Was he bullshitting me right now, or did absolutely nothing actually happen?

I decided to drop the subject, for now.

I stood up, and went to the bathroom to get a damp cloth, disinfectant, and bandages.

I gently wiped at the blood on the boys wrist, careful not to apply too much pressure.

Nevertheless, he would wince every now and then.

After I had cleaned up his arm, I wasn't sure of what to do.

"Come on, you should get some rest."

I motioned for him to follow me upstairs.

He made no sign of moving. He didn't even show any signs of hearing me.

I walked over to Ed, and carefully picked him up.

At first, he cringed at my touch and tried to stop me, but eventually he gave up and let his head fall against my chest. I carried him up the stairs, and into his room.

I pulled back the covers before gently placing him in the bed.

"Goodnight, Edward."

He was staring blankly into space, showing no signs of sleep. But at least he was in a bed now, and hopefully safe.

I sighed, and left the room, quietly shutting the door behind me.

I went back to the library to try and clean up.

I took one look at the now bloodstained couch, the letter opener, and the small puddle of blood on the floor, and I lost it.

I slammed my fists against the wall, letting out a frustrated yell.

If I had just paid more attention to him, like I was supposed to, this wouldn't have happened.

I slowly broke down, feeling the tears escape my eyes despite my best efforts.

I made my over the couch.

I picked up the damp cloth from earlier, and began to wipe up the blood off of the floor.

The carpet was a burgundy colour, but the blood had left a slightly darker circle on it.

I picked up the letter opener, and wiped the blood clean off it.

The couch… the couch would be a lot more work, which could be done in the morning, so for now I just dabbed at the majority of the blood before giving up entirely.

I've known all along that I wasn't sure how to deal with him…

But this brought it to a whole new level.

If he wanted to continue on hurting himself, how was I supposed to stop him?

Being around him all the time would only piss him off, but right now…

Right now that seemed the best option. At least for tomorrow, that's how I would handle it…

My head began hurting with the mere thought of dealing with all of this tomorrow.

Tomorrow was going to be one hell of a day.

I knew I should probably try to figure out a plan of approach, but my mind wouldn't allow me.

Whatever. It seemed that procrastination and improvising had become my way of dealing with this.

And look how well that turned out…

I trudged back up the stairs, and as I passed Ed's room, I heard a faint sound.

The faint sound of someone crying.

I leaned against the wall.

He was crying himself to sleep.

How often did he do that?

I'm not sure how long I stood outside his door, contemplating whether or not to go in there and check on him.

But the sound had stopped, and I slowly went over to my room and, being too exhausted to put on any real pajamas, I stripped down to my boxers and collapsed onto my bed.

Sleep quickly overtook me.

* * *

**Alrighty, so, the updates have been coming fairly fast so far... and I can't gurantee they will continue this fast, but I can promise there will be an update once a week, (at least :3)**

**And thanks to anyone who reviewed, favourited, followed, and most importantly... those who took the time to read my story. **

**Seriously, I love all you guys. c:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Also, if any of you are EdWin fans, you might want to check out my other story that I'm currently working on, called Nothing Can... Don't mind me, I'm just not-so-subtly self advertising. :P**

**Annnd don't forget to let me know what ya think! Review! :3 **

**I love hearing your thoughts. c:**

**- HazelEyes8D**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello lovely readers! I know I had told some of you when I replied to your reviews that this chapter would be up much sooner...**

**But this little thing called Life got in the way, and I ended up not going home at all this weekend which meant I couldn't access my laptop.**

**Anywhos, the chapter is up now, so**

**enjoy! c:**

* * *

_I was standing in this white room, full of nothingness and the shock of the white._

_There was a figure in the distance, somehow silhouetted against the brightness._

_A dark red liquid was dripping from the wrist, and gathering in a pool of blood._

_I started towards the silhouette, but the scene changed._

_Suddenly, there was a large willow tree, the silhouetted figure now under its branches._

_There were bits of eerie music floating in the air, a collage of songs drifting in and out of earshot – as if they were lost fragments. As a whole, the lyrics added a disturbing effect to the picture._

_A large, yellow moon floated over the ominous night scene, with a large devilish grin that was oozing blood._

_The moonlight shifted, shedding light onto the silhouette for a brief moment. _

_I witnessed a glimpse of long dark hair shadowing the face. The eyes were shining through, an eerie emptiness held within._

_The eyes were unmistakable – the golden glow, the fiery light extinguished._

_As I recognized the figure, I started towards him and began calling his name._

_I stood in front of his lifeless face, but no sign of recognition was shown. Suddenly, the contradictory ebony haired boy with glowing eyes turned his face towards the moon before the scene changed for the last time._

_I realized by now, that it was like I was watching a movie, or viewing pictures. I could witness the events, and feel apart of it, but I couldn't interact with anyone of anything apart of them._

_Now, a field of long grass stretched out before me._

_As I explored this field, I came upon a patch where the grass was dried up and withered, dead._

_There was a small doll-like bunny in the centre of this patch. It looked like it belonged to a small child, a toy, only now it seemed much more morbid. _

_The black button eyes gleamed, patch work running down its long ears and seams. As if someone had torn apart this rabbit and decided to stitch it back together once more. _

_The ears drooped down to the ground, and its hand held a toy sword, pointing straight towards its own heart._

_The whole situation was then cast into a darkness, with nothing to be seen at all._

_It was as if I was falling down a dark abyss, down in a never-ending spiral._

I woke with a start, quickly sitting up.

What just happened…?

None of it made much sense, but it still shook me.

The boy…It was most definitely Edward. But… Why was his hair black? Was it some sort of…symbolism, in my dream?

I sighed, and got out of bed. I went into the bathroom to splash some water on my face, and then proceeded to put on a pair of sweatpants before exiting my bedroom.

When I paused outside Edward's door, the events of last night came cascading back into my mind.

My head began to throb. Before checking on the young alchemist, I decided to get a glass of water and to take an aspirin for my head.

I made my way back upstairs, and slowly opened the door to Ed's room.

His sleeping figure was scrunched up, holding himself together.

The barely visible face looked so peaceful, his breathing the only sound in the room.

His wrist was hanging off the side of the bed, probably to avoid irritating the cuts.

What happened last night, to cause him to do that?

I was incredibly ignorant when it came to this subject.

I knew absolutely nothing about mental health, or cutting, or depression, or what he was going through…

What made me even think in the first place to take this upon me?

I want to help him, but I should've let someone else take this on.

Someone who knew how to deal with this.

But… Knowing how to deal with it doesn't necessarily mean caring for him.

And caring about him doesn't mean I know how to help him.

But it's easier to learn about the issues, rather than learn how to care for someone.

I left Edward to his sleep, and decided to make some pancakes for breakfast.

I was hungry, and there was no doubt in my mind that he would want food once he was awake.

I had just finished cooking the last of the batter when I heard the uneven sound of Ed's footsteps on the staircase. The clink of the automail, and then the soft thud of a foot…

I placed the platter of pancakes on the table and turned towards the small boy.

"Good morning, Edward."

I tried to sound as normal as possible, keeping the emotion out of my voice.

"Morning…" he grumbled as he rubbed at his eyes.

He sat down at the table, and I poured us both a glass of orange juice before sitting down. No need to bring the milk conflict into this.

The entire meal, I tried to think of something to say – anything, but I couldn't come up with anything.

I looked up at him, noticing his eyes…. They were puffy, not to mention incredibly bloodshot.

Ed stood and took his dishes to the sink, as I told him that I would clean up later.

He nodded, and I watched as he made his way back upstairs.

His face hadn't shown any emotion at all the entire time he was down here.

It was almost as if he was trying too hard to appear normal.

I couldn't really blame him though.

But I also couldn't let him be alone.

I quickly cleared off the table, and made my way to his room.

The door was shut.

I knocked softly.

Not a sound came from within.

"Edward…" I said softly.

Silence.

I slowly turned the doorknob, and gave the door a slight push.

He was sitting on the floor, leaning against the bed.

His arms were hugging his knees to his chest, and his head was buried in the mess of limbs.

The breaths he was taking were incredibly shallow.

I walked over to the window, and drew back the curtains, which allowed some of the morning sun into the dreary room.

The boy still hadn't moved, or said anything.

"We need to talk about what happened last night. I know you don't want to, but… There's no way around it."

It was then that I realized he had begun sobbing.

I decided not to push it.

I sat down beside him, and pulled him closer to me, in what I hoped was comforting.

He continued to cry, and I just let him. I didn't know what to say, and anything I said wouldn't help him anyways.

When he began to calm down a bit, he started to speak.

"Last night… I… I guess the reality of everything hit me…especially after talking to Winry on the phone…I could hear her bawling on the other side of the line, and… It was because of me. I just keep hurting everyone. And it…it isn't that I necessarily felt so depressed right then… I just… Cutting is how I've learned to deal with pain –anything, really. And…now I can't stop myself. No matter how much I don't want to go through with it, I can't stop myself. It's as if I'm not myself when I get into that mindset, of wanting to cut."

He stopped talking, and began taking some deep breaths.

A silence fell over the both of us. I didn't know what to say, and somehow… I knew I shouldn't speak. I should just listen.

"When I first started feeling like this, I would think about cutting…but never did it. But once I did, I would only use dull things, like paper clips, and would only cut once, at a time. I wouldn't make myself bleed. And then I started breaking the skin. And after that, I would do multiple cuts… I never once wanted to bring a blade to my own skin. I had convinced myself that I would never do that. But…but one day I did. I couldn't find any paper clips, and so… I went for the pair of scissors in my room instead. And it just keeps going from there… The thing that scares me most, is myself. I never once thought I would cut myself, but look at where I am now. And I've been thinking about…ending it… for quite some time…and so, what happens if I get into that mindset, and I end up actually going through with it? I can't trust anything… I'm scared of myself."

That last sentence hung in the air.

The fear was audible in his voice.

I thought Ed had been sobbing before, but now… now he couldn't control it at all. He was leaning his face into my chest, crying his heart out.

I didn't say anything.

Nothing I could say would help, and anything I might say would only make it worse. I didn't want to seem like I was trying to fix everything, like I knew what he was feeling. I didn't. And I won't pretend I do.

I just listen.

And right now, that's all he needed.

That's all I could do.

He just didn't want to be alone. And he wouldn't.

Not anymore.

Ed ended up falling asleep, his head now resting in my lap.

I sighed.

I had the day off work today, so it wasn't important that I leave.

I stared down at his sleeping figure.

He hadn't taken his medication yet today… But that could be dealt with later.

Right now, this boy deserves his peace.

And that's exactly what I gave him.

* * *

**I know it's a tad short, but whatevaaa. It's now my spring break, and so I will have more time to write! :D**

**Also, fun fact: The dream Roy had was actually inspired by this super creepy and rather disturbing picture I randomly drew the other day. I had never drawn just out of my head before, without any visuals, and that was what happened. XD**

**Anywhos, **

**Let me know what you think!**

**Feedback is lovely!**

**And you all are lovely for favouriting and following and reading and reviewing and I LOVE YOU ALL.**

**- HazelEyes8D**


	5. Chapter 5

**Alrighty, soooo I haven't entirely decided exactly where I'm going with this, but I have a vague idea of all that :P**

**Anywhoooos, on with theeeee storyyyy,**

**Enjoy! c:**

* * *

After a little while, I had to move Ed to the bed, because I still had to try to clean the couch.

I carefully picked up the boy and gently placed him on the bed before leaving him to his sleep.

I walked down the stairs and into the library, and with the sunlight cast into the room, the blood on the couch was much more vibrant.

Taking a deep breath, I had closed my eyes before forcing myself to walk over to the couch.

I sprayed some stain remover onto the couch, and began to work on cleaning it when a knock on the door stole my attention.

Having no idea who it was, I walked over the door and pulled it open to reveal Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye.

"Lieutenant?"

"Good afternoon, Colonel. May I come inside?"

Her tone was polite, and I opened the door wider for her to step inside.

Once I had shut the door, I turned to find that she was already making her way up the stairs.

"Lieutenant, where are you going?"

"You can cut the formalities, Roy. I'm going to go check on Ed."

By the use of my first name, I knew something was bothering her.

I considered following her, but remembered that the couch still wasn't clean…and decided to go work on that until she returned.

"That isn't going to work."

Startled at the voice behind me, I turned around.

"It isn't…?"

Riza shook her head.

"Blood stains. If you want to have any hopes of getting rid of it, you should've tried cleaning it when it was fresh. You left it too long."

I sighed and threw down the rag.

"What's this all about, anyway?" I inquired.

"I'm worried about him too, you know. But I also knew that you were in way over your head taking this on."

"That still doesn't explain why you're here right now." I slid down to the floor, my back resting against the couch.

Hawkeye sat down beside me.

"I'm here to try and help. First things first, you need to make sure he's never left alone for too long. Don't hover, just subtly try to keep him company. Second, don't keep sharp items out in the open. It will either tempt him to self-harm, or the items will be readily at his disposable. Like this letter opener…"

She picked up the discarded opener from the night before, examining it.

I took a shaky breath. The sight of it brought the images from last night swirling into my brain… The blood dripping, Ed's expressionless face…

"Roy…?"

I had been so lost in thought that I didn't notice Riza staring at me, face full of concern.

"I'm fine…"

I stood up then, and got some pillows from the opposite couch.

Taking these pillows, I set them on the other couch, conveniently covering the dark stain.

"That will have to do for now, I guess."

I ran a worried hand through my hair.

"You're under a lot of stress, I can tell."

The Lieutenants voice was soft and gentle, much unlike her usual tone.

"Don't worry about work for the time being. I can get you the time off…"

I hadn't realized I had been crying until Riza's hand had gently wiped my cheek.

"Thanks…"

I pulled her into a hug, which shocked her for a moment before she returned the embrace.

The sound of automail clinking on the stairs broke the hug, and I watched as Riza immediately went out to see Ed.

The boy seemed confused at first at the sight of her, before he smiled slightly at her.

"Good afternoon, Ed."

"Afternoon…" He mumbled.

"Are you hungry?"

Ed gave the Lieutenant a look before saying,

"Do you really have to ask?"

She laughed as she made her way into my kitchen, and it wasn't long until the sound of clanging of cupboards and pans was heard.

Ed had paused at the bottom of the stairs, still visibly confused.

"Why is she here?"

I gave a small laugh.

"Ask _her_, she just showed up not too long ago."

I saw Ed's eyes wandering into the library, locking on the now pillowed couch.

A look of guilt crossed his features.

"Don't worry about it."

Ed nodded and slowly walked into the library, grabbing one of the discarded books from last night. After that, he made his way into the kitchen.

Knowing that Riza would be there with him, I went upstairs to take a shower.

**-Line Break- **

I had just gotten dressed when the phone rang.

"Colonel Mustang."

"Hey, Colonel… It's Winry. I was just wondering… Could Al and I come over, to see Ed?"

The worry in her voice was clearly evident.

"Of course. You're welcome to come over whenever."

"Thanks, Colonel."

The line went dead.

I set the phone down, and went downstairs.

The sound of laughter was ringing from the kitchen.

I entered to see Ed sitting on the counter holding a plate of food, and Riza was trying to flip pancakes inside the pan, but missed every time. The floor was now littered with pancake batter.

"What are you doing?" I asked, confusion clearly in my voice.

"What does it look like?" Riza playfully asked.

I had never seen her like this. She was…smiling, and laughing, and ultimately carefree.

It was almost as if she was a different person than when she was at work.

I shook my head at her and, carefully manoeuvring through the batter, poured myself a cup of coffee.

Ed seemed to genuinely be smiling right now. It was so good to see him laughing after what's been going on.

After Ed finished eating, he had gone upstairs to get dressed.

I set to helping to Riza clean up the mess she had made, and once that was finished there was another knocking on the door.

I went to the door, and opened it to find a worried girl and a suit of armour.

"Come on in." I opened the door wider to allow them through.

"How has he been?" Winry asked anxiously.

"He…" I was going to say he's been fine, but faltered. Instead, I said,

"See for yourself. But, if you guys don't mind, could you try not to bring up anything about it? You are free to talk to him about what happened, obviously, but… he seems to be in a genuinely good mood right now. And it would be nice if that lasted a little while longer."

Both nodded in agreement.

Riza had come out of the kitchen and was now talking with them, and I realized I hadn't given Ed any of his medication today.

I took a deep breath, grabbed a glass of water, and made my way up to the boys room.

I knocked softly, and moments later Ed opened the door now dressed in his usual black pants and tank top, his long golden hair braided back.

At the sight of the pills in my hand, his expression immediately darkened.

I silently held out the medication for him to take. He stared at my hand for a moment, before grudgingly taking them into his own. I watched as he put one pill in his mouth, and gave him the water. He swallowed, and then repeated the process.

I took the empty glass from his outstretched hand.

"Al and Winry are here."

His eyes widened.

"Why?"

"Because they care about you. Now come downstairs."

Ed seemed to consider it for a moment, before he put on his black jacket and followed me out.

* * *

**So, the next chapter will obviouslyyyyyy involve some good ol' brotherly...time. Plus Winry. XD**

**OH, before I forget, I WAS SO EXCITED TO SEE THAT THIS WAS ADDED TO A COMMUNITY. LIKE ASDFKLASJDFL**

**Sorry :P None of my stories have ever been put into a community before, so seeing that... I freaked out. :D **

**Thank you for reading!**

**Feedback is encouraged, I love knowing what you all think! c:**

**- HazelEyes8D**


	6. Chapter 6

**Helllooo!**

**Sorry that this update may have taken a bit longer... It feels like it took me longer to upload it :P**

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I led the way down the stairs, Ed slowly following behind me.

Clearly, Riza had taken Al and Winry into the living room (which was attached to the library).

We crossed through the library, entering the living room which had two sofas, accompanied by an armchair, stationed around a coffee table. There was a giant window which allowed the warm afternoon sunbeams in, giving the atmosphere a warm glow.

Winry and Al were sitting on one couch, and Riza had set out some tea on the small table, along with some biscuits.

I couldn't help but notice Ed fix his face with a smile before making his presence known to his brother and Winry.

At the sight of the blonde boy, Winry had jumped up out of her seat and immediately went over to Ed and wrapped him in her arms.

"Ed – I've missed you!" The girl exclaimed, her tone light.

Edward half-heartedly returned the hug before seating himself in the armchair.

"I've missed you too." Ed said slightly awkwardly, while a faint pink tinge tainted his cheeks.

Without missing a beat, Winry had launched into some rant about automail. I had sat beside Riza on the couch opposite of Al and Winry, just observing the exchange between the teenagers.

It was clear that the girl was trying very hard to make things seem normal. Al would contribute to the conversation here and there, but Ed only listened and gave the appropriate smile or nod when needed.

If someone were to come and observe this very moment, they wouldn't suspect anything to be wrong in Ed's world.

Suddenly, I realized how he was able to keep it hidden for so long. He was good at pretending to be okay, for the most part.

His lack of participation in the conversation wasn't unusual by any means, in fact it was expected. Winry barely left any room for anyone else to speak.

The hours passed, Winry recounting everything that Ed and Al had missed in Resembool since their last visit, when the realization of the hour hit me, due to my grumbling stomach.

I checked my pocket watch, and sure enough – it was almost 6 o'clock.

I excused myself, to go prepare dinner, when I found that Riza had come with me. She claimed she wanted to cook dinner, and I sure wasn't complaining.

I lingered a little while, trying to help here and there, but the woman just sent me away saying, "You're only in the way, get out of here.", before smirking and shoving me out of my own kitchen.

In the hall, I stood dazed for a moment before deciding to make my way back over to the living room.

I had reached the edge of the library, about to enter the room, when the conversation I heard stopped me.

"Ed… why didn't you tell anyone how you were feeling?" Winry's soft voice spoke.

Silence followed, leaving me to assume that Ed had shut down and wasn't responding at all to them.

I chanced a glance into the room, just long enough to see that Al and Winry had relocated to kneeling on the ground beside the armchair, and that Ed had pulled his legs up onto the chair and was hugging a pillow to his chest, avoiding their eyes.

I leaned against the wall separating the two rooms.

"Brother… Please, talk to us. We care about you. Let us help you."

"Ed, you're not going to get any better if you don't let people in."

More silence followed.

I silently sank down against the library wall, feeling their frustration yet sympathetic towards Ed because I knew he wasn't ready to talk to them.

Winry gave an exasperated sigh, followed by the sound of someone plopping onto a couch.

"You know we're here for you though, right?" Winry spoke into the quiet.

"Please, Brother, tell us what's going on. What's wrong? What's so bad that you felt the need to… to… to hurt yourself?"

I could hear the emotion in the younger Elric's voice.

Ed still had yet to speak a word in the conversation.

The sound of metallic footsteps clanged across the hardwood flooring of the living room.

I made to stand up and pretend that I wasn't just eavesdropping, but no one left the room.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I relaxed back against the wall.

"Edward. Please. Say something. We're trying here – really, we are. Can't you see how concerned we are? We're trying to figure it all out – can you at least help us?"

The desperation in the girl's voice was evident.

Silence.

A frustrated sigh was clearly audible, and was followed by,

"Well, when you feel like growing up, I'm here. But I can't help you if you refuse to say even a single word."

Heavy footsteps followed the biting tone in Winry's words as she stormed out of the living room.

I froze in my position, but she continued right past me without noticing anything.

Her words… Doesn't she know that they won't help anything? I could understand why she felt that way, but telling Ed that won't make anything better. It's only going to make him feel worse.

"Brother… Winry's just frustrated because she cares so much about you. She hates seeing you like this, and I'm sure she didn't mean what she said… She didn't think before she said that, that's all…" Al's soothing voice sounded.

Again, the words were met with a dead silence.

I stood up, and made my way back to the kitchen.

**-Line Break-**

After dinner, Winry and Al had left.

Ed hadn't said a single word since this afternoon.

Riza shot me a worried look as we both cleared off the table.

Ed remained sitting at the table, eyes downcast.

As I placed the dishes into the sink and began to fill it with water, Riza spoke in a hushed tone.

"They tried talking to him, didn't they?"

I nodded.

She glanced back at Ed.

"I don't get it. He seemed to be in a genuinely good mood before I left the room. It was almost as if… in a matter of minutes, his mood plummeted…"

By the end of her sentence, Riza seemed to be more thinking out loud rather than talking to me.

We finished cleaning up, and Ed still hadn't moved.

Dinner had lasted a couple hours, which had been followed by dessert. Riza had tried to involve Ed in the conversation, but to no avail. When it was clear he wasn't going to participate, Winry had mentioned she was tired and Al took the hint. I'm sure the younger Elric wanted to stay with his brother, but Winry couldn't very well walk back to the hotel alone. I had offered to drive them, but Winry declined.

I thought maybe after they left, Ed might at least speak… but he remained silent and detached from the current situation.

It was difficult to tell if he was lost in thought or simply zoned out and not thinking at all.

The time was nearing 9:30 p.m.

Riza and I stood in the kitchen, still speaking in lowered voices.

"It's getting late, I should probably get going. Unlike you, I have to work in the morning."

"You sure? I mean, it's pretty clear that I need all the help I can get…"

I didn't want to sound so needy, but it's true. I have no idea what I'm doing here, and having her here today made it easier on me.

It was like I wasn't alone in trying to help Ed.

Riza laughed a little.

"Yes, I'm sure. I can come back tomorrow evening, though, if you want."

"That would be greatly appreciated."

I smiled slightly, and she walked over to Ed.

"Goodnight, Edward. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

With that, she hugged the boy in his chair, and I followed her out of the kitchen.

As she was putting on her jacket and shoes, I said,

"Thanks, for today. You really helped."

"No problem. Goodnight, Roy."

Riza hugged me goodnight as well, and with that she was gone.

I locked the door behind her, and returned to the kitchen.

Ed remained motionless.

"Ed…come on, at least come upstairs and go to bed."

I didn't even know if he heard me, but after a few minutes of silence, he slowly pushed the chair back and stood up.

His eyes remained downcast, and I watched as he climbed up the staircase.

I shut off all the lights downstairs before making my own way up the stairs.

Passing the bathroom, I heard the water running.

I didn't think to question it.

I continued to my room, and got changed into a pair of sweatpants.

As I waited for Ed to come out of the bathroom, I decided to tidy up my room a bit.

I had just been discarding my clothes wherever lately, not bothering to pick them up, and so I began with placing all the dirty clothes in the laundry basket I had by my door.

I checked the bathroom again, and the water was still running.

I still didn't think to question it.

Figuring he was just taking a shower, a rather long one at that, I went back to my room and flopped onto my bed to wait.

It wasn't long until I felt my eyes drooping, and as hard as I fought to stay awake, eventually sleep won.

I woke up, and looked at the clock. Only about an hour had passed since I had accidentally fallen asleep – which was good.

I rubbed my eyes and stood, going out into the hall. I expected the bathroom to be empty, but… the water was still running.

Realization hit me then.

I knocked on the door.

"Ed?"

Silence.

"Ed, I know you're in there. Are you okay?"

More silence.

I began feeling slightly panicked. There was a part of me which knew he was okay, but… another part of me, the panicky part, was wondering if maybe he had done something drastic.

I tried turning the doorknob, to find that it was locked.

"Edward Elric, open this door."

My voice was half commanding, half panicking.

After waiting a few moments, I decided that I would just open the door myself.

I tried to alchemically alter it in order to unlock it, but the kid had beat me to it.

He had alchemically altered it when he went in there, so that I couldn't open the damn door.

Ed was smart. Too smart for his own good.

I felt the panic rising in my throat, taking the form of a lump which made it difficult to speak.

"Edward…Please. Open this door."

I hit my fist on the door repeatedly, before I heard something.

Something so quiet, I wasn't sure if I had imagined it or not.

I stopped hitting the door, and holding my breath, I listened.

"… Go away… I'm fine… Just… leave me alone…"

"Edward. You can't honestly expect me to believe that you're 'fine' right now?! Please. Just open the door."

A slow shuffle towards the door told me he was now on the other side.

The sound of a faint clap could be heard, and the light of a transmutation shone around the dark doorframe.

I heard him shuffle away from the door, followed by the sound of someone dropping to the floor.

I turned the doorknob, and the door opened.

Ed had turned on the tap, and was sitting on the floor. Despite the jacket covering his wrist, I knew he had done it again.

I could feel it, in my gut. Just by the look in his eyes, and the way he had been acting all night.

It all added up.

I couldn't bring myself to say anything.

I knew my jaw had dropped, and that my breathing had become incredibly shallow.

Instead of interrogating him, I simply sat beside the boy on the tile floor.

His eyes were rimmed with red, and his face was tear stained.

How could a boy who seemed so strong, become so fragile, so…pained?

I decided not to think on it anymore.

I pulled the small boy closer to me, leaning him against my chest and holding him tight.

Ed had resisted at first, but eventually he gave in.

He began to cry into my shoulder, and I knew no words were necessary right now.

All Ed wanted was someone just to be there for him, as he broke down.

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**Thereeee ya have it.**

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**- HazelEyes8D**


	7. Chapter 7

**Sooooooooo**

**Yeah.**

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I woke up the next morning to find that Ed and I had fallen asleep on the bathroom floor.

The blonde's head rested on my shoulder, the rest of his body leaning into mine as I leaned against the wall.

My back ached from leaning against the wall all night.

Edward was still sound asleep. I shifted in my spot, adjusting the small boy's body so that he was now, for the most part, on the tiled floor. I pulled Edward into my arms, and slowly stood up.

I carried him downstairs, and laid him on one of the couches in the living room with a blanket draped over his sleeping figure.

It was about 8:30 in the morning, and I went to make myself some coffee.

After fixing myself some breakfast with the little food I had left, I took my coffee and went back into the living room, grabbing a book from the library on my way.

I sat on the couch opposite of the younger alchemist, and decided to read a bit until he woke up.

A couple hours passed until Ed woke up.

I didn't even realize he had awakened until he asked in a tired, small voice,

"What time is it?"

Glancing at my pocket watch, I answered,

"It's about 11."

Ed gave a slight nod.

I finished the page I had been reading before I went into the kitchen to grab a glass of water for Ed to take his medication with.

Ed followed me into the kitchen, and sat himself on the counter.

As usual, his look darkened at the sight of the pill bottles in my hand.

I gave him what I hoped was a slightly comforting smile, and handed him the painkillers and the water.

He took those, and then I repeated the process only with the anti-depressants this time.

After handing him the pills and fresh water, I turned to the fridge to look for something I could cook him for breakfast.

The only thing in there was milk.

I sighed, shutting the refrigerator door.

"What is it?" Ed asked.

"Looks like we've got to go to the market. The only thing in there is milk."

Ed scowled at the mention of the white liquid.

I went upstairs to get dressed, Ed doing the same.

As I shut my bedroom door behind me after changing, I looked down the hall and saw Ed braiding his long golden hair back as he walked towards the staircase.

I caught up to him, carrying some fresh bandages and disinfectant.

Ed glanced at the contents of my arms, and abruptly stopped, lowering his eyes to the ground.

He slowly held out his arm, and I gently pushed back the black sleeve, revealing his damaged wrist.

I winced a bit at the sight of it, as I applied the disinfectant and then carefully wrapped the bandages around his forearm.

Ed let out a shaky sigh before taking his arm out of my hands.

He made his way down the stairs, and I stared after him for a moment before following suit.

**-Line Break-**

I had decided to walk to the market, because the fresh air would do the both of us some good.

Ed shuffled along behind me, staring down at the pavement. I kept glancing behind me to ensure he was still there.

We reached the market, and I went about picking up food, while Ed trailed behind me.

After paying for the things, I had begun to walk home.

Ed had been silent the entire time, and so I failed to notice his lack of presence until I was about half way home.

I turned around to ensure he was still there, only I was met with the empty sidewalk.

My first reaction was to drop everything and begin looking for him, but I decided that I should go home to drop off the food first. I wouldn't be able to look long with my arms full, and maybe Ed had somehow gone home earlier...

Okay, so I knew that last thought was completely wrong, but I liked to think it was a possibility.

I ran back to my house, hurrying to unlock the front door and then dumped the bags of food onto the counter before racing back out of the house, not even bothering to lock the door behind me.

It was about 4 in the afternoon.

I retraced my steps back to where I had first noticed Ed missing, and then continued onto retracing those steps back to the market, asking people if they had seen him.

Most people hadn't noticed where he had gone, however one old woman had said she saw him heading towards the river.

Jumping on this lead, I quickly made my way to the bridge by the river. Ed wasn't anywhere to be seen along the street.

Upon further inspection, however, I saw that he had made his way down to the riverbank underneath the bridge.

He was sitting along the shore, tossing some rocks into the moving stream.

I crossed over to the other side of the street, before making my way down to the riverbank.

Once I was within earshot, I called out Ed's name.

He glanced up, staring at me for a moment, before returning his attention to the river.

I sighed and walked towards the boy.

Closer to him, I noticed that he had taken off his black jacket, revealing his automail arm and his bandaged arm.

I picked up his discarded jacket, and walked up behind him.

I stood there for a little while, before realizing how late it was getting and that Riza had said she would come over when she finished work. Which was in about 20 minutes.

"Come on, Ed. Let's go."

The blonde didn't make any notion of getting up, he just continued to toss stones into the water.

I sighed.

"What made you come here, of all places?"

Ed was silent for a moment, before answering.

"It reminds me of home. Of Resembool. When Al and I were younger, we used to always play by the river... and whenever Al got upset he would go to the river. I never understood why. I just knew that he did. I wanted to see what was so great about rivers when you're upset. I guess it's just a matter of getting away from everything, sitting by the water. It clears your head. Distracts you. Lets you escape from the real world for a bit."

So that was it. Here, Ed was able to ignore the reality of his situation... I guess any place away from me would let him ignore it, though. I'm kind of the constant cloud of reminder, just by being around him. The only reason he's with me is because of his self-harming. Every time he sees me, it's just another reminder that he's not okay.

I didn't reply to him. I didn't know what to say to that.

I just waited, and eventually he slowly got to his feet.

After I handed him his jacket, he made his way back up to the street.

We walked back to my house in silence.

When we got there, Riza was already there and apparently had no trouble letting herself in.

Entering the front door, we were greeted with the scent of roasted chicken.

I never knew Riza was so into cooking.

Just then, I realized Ed hadn't had anything to eat yet today.

He made his way into the kitchen, and I followed behind him.

"There you guys are! I wondered where you had gone." Riza said, cheerfully.

"I hope you don't mind, I decided to make dinner..."

I laughed.

"Of course I don't mind. I hate cooking."

Riza smiled, and returned to her cooking food.

Ed had seated himself on the counter, again.

Soon, Riza had finished cooking. She had made some fried rice along with chicken.

We ate dinner, all seated at various places in the kitchen, Ed perched on the counter. I don't know what it was with him and counters. He just seemed to sit on them. Normally, this would probably piss me off, but I honestly didn't care.

Ed was silent for the most part, but it wasn't the same type of silence as it was last night.

He contributed to the conversation every now and again, ever so slightly.

When we finished, I gathered up everybody's plates and placed them in the sink. I would wash them later.

Riza had struck up a conversation with Ed in regards to his hair.

It was a fairly odd conversation. I didn't pay much attention to it, but Ed seemed to have loosened up a bit after this and was now more smiley and social than he had been earlier.

Ed had gone into the library, and was now reading on the floor.

I turned to Riza.

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Make him all...happy again."

She laughed.

"Just talk to him, Roy. That's all it takes. Talk to him, about anything at all, just make him feel like a normal kid again."

"You make it sound so simple."

"That's because it is. He really isn't that hard to talk to, so long as you keep him distracted. I'm not saying to act as if his problem isn't real, just... Ignore it for a little while, make him feel okay again. Keep him busy. That kind of thing."

I nodded.

"So, where did you go earlier? I noticed the groceries on the counter, but where did you go after that?"

"Ed had taken it upon himself to go to the river."

"You mean he just left?"

"Yeah, when we were walking back. I should've paid more attention, but at least it wasn't a bad thing. He just went to the river to clear his head."

Riza nodded.

"Get him outside more. Keeping him cooped up in here all the time is going to make him stir crazy, and he'll only be able to think about what's wrong if he's constantly surrounded by the same things."

"How do you know so much?"

"I don't. It's just...intuition."

She smirked, before making her way into the library and leaned against the door frame.

I joined her, and watched as Ed read.

It was kind of amusing, the way his eyes sped along the page. He also switched between slightly sticking his tongue out, or biting his lower lip, in concentration. It was such a familiar sight, only now it held more weight after all that happened.

Ed actually seemed normal as he was reading.

**-Line Break-**

I hadn't realized how late it had gotten until Riza had decided to take her leave.

Ed absentmindedly called out a goodbye, still absorbed in the books.

I walked her to the door, and thanked her for dinner and for coming over again, before saying goodbye myself.

She left.

I made my way back into the library, Ed still reading on the floor.

He was almost finished the book by now.

Once he finished, he closed it and rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling.

"Good book?" I asked, amusement in my voice.

"You could say that." He replied.

A silence enveloped us.

"Can... Can I ask you something?" Ed asked.

"Of course."

Ed seemed to struggle with the words.

"Do...Have...Do you think...," He sighed in frustration, "Nevermind. It's not important."

Ed stood up and went upstairs before I could say anything.

I blinked in confusion.

I made my way upstairs and knocked on his door.

After getting no answer, I knocked a little louder this time.

Still no answer. I decided to just open the door anyways.

Slowly opening the door, I glanced in.

Ed was sitting on the window sill, looking out at the night.

"You know you can talk to me, right?" I said.

"Yeah."

"So...are you going to tell me what happened downstairs? Why did you change your mind about talking to me?"

"Because. It's not important, like I said."

"Edward..."

I made my way over to him, and sat across from him on the sill.

He stared out the window.

"Edward. I know I may not always know what to say, or have all the answers, but I can promise you that I will always listen, and that I care. That's all I can offer you, and I just wish you would let yourself open up more. I know it's still too soon, but I really think you should try talking to Winry and Al about all this. If anyone's going to be understanding, it's them."

"I know." He sounded annoyed.

"Shutting yourself off and becoming despondent isn't going to help you get any better."

_"I know."_ The annoyed tone had become even more exaggerated.

I had no idea where to go from here.

"I'm not going to pour my soul out to you, so would you do me a favour and leave?" His tone was biting.

It stung. I was trying help, but clearly he didn't want me around. In as even a voice as I could manage, I said,

"If that's what you want."

"Obviously it is." His tone was still biting, and he sounded pissed.

I looked at him for a moment.

He was staring out the window, a hard look in his eyes. His body language was defensive - his legs drawn up to his chest, his arms crossed over them. He wore a detached expression.

I didn't know if I should let him be alone, but nonetheless I left him to his own devices.

Shutting the door behind me, I leaned against the wood.

How do you help someone get better when it doesn't even seem like they want help, that they don't want to get better?

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**Yay for a slightly longer chapter than the past couple! :D**

**So, updates might begin to take a little longer because I haven't been feeling the greatest lately, and also sometimes it's almost a chore to write. And writing should be enjoyable (for the most part, not a chore) and so I might take a little longer. But again, still expect an update at least once a week if not every couple of days, unless I get way too busy.**

**Let me know what you think! Review! c:**

**-HazelEyes8D**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello! So, I apologize that this update took longer... At least in my mind it took longer.**

**Thanks to all those who followed, favourited, reviewed, and most importantly... READ! :D **

**Enjoy! c:**

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The young alchemist had sat himself down in the middle of the street, directly in the path of oncoming traffic.

"Edward...," I begged, "Please. Don't do this. Just get out of the street. You're going to get yourself killed."

I was on the sidewalk, yelling at the blonde. I tried looking for a break in the traffic, but so far there was none. He had isolated himself on the busy main street of Central. On his left side, there was a steady stream of traffic cruising along the street. On his right, another stream of cars matched the one to his left. Every few seconds, a car would swerve and narrowly avoid flattening him to his death.

"Edward Elric, as your commanding officer, I command you to get up off your ass and stop being so goddamn childish! Get back on the sidewalk this instant."

I was panicking. I couldn't help it, I knew that using my rank was low but he left me no other choice. I was helpless.

Naturally, Edward looked calm and collected. Of course he wasn't freaking out about the fact that his life could be over any second now.

…. I guess I should backtrack a little, and give this situation some meaning.

It had been a few weeks since Edward had come to live with me.

During those few weeks, he slowly began to cooperate more with his medication and, as a result, he genuinely seemed to be getting better. He hasn't cut since that night I found him in the bathroom. I know that for a fact, because the scars on his wrist now are healing and no new fresh ones have been found. Al and Winry were visiting regularly, as well as Riza, and together we all seemed to be helping Ed out of this. He laughed more, he smiled more, and he hasn't had a breakdown in 3 weeks. That's a record.

As a result of all this, he's been allowed back to work. Ed isn't allowed out of the city to do anything, so all of his reports are on things happening around Central. He isn't too pleased with this.

… I never did find out what it was that he tried to ask me that one night all those weeks ago. Maybe he was telling the truth - maybe it truly wasn't important. Maybe, it doesn't matter now. Either option is fairly positive... I guess.

Today, Ed was asked to go look into a local bakery which has been getting some complaints about food poisoning and vermin. He didn't take to this too well. In his predictable fit of rage, he had stormed out of my office muttering profanities.

It was good to see that he was still the same old Ed as he ever was.

But that's all background information in relation to the major thing.

Ed had been getting lazy with his reports, and so he either wrote down one sentence and handed it in, or he didn't hand it in at all. I had let the last couple slide, but if I allowed him to stop handing in reports like this I would be the one paying for it.

So when I asked him today to write up a report about that bakery, I didn't think it would take him too long or be too much to ask for.

A simple page describing the place and the condition. Not too difficult, especially for a young prodigy such as himself.

However... when I asked him, I did not expect his reaction at all.

First, he had blatantly stated "No."

I had given him a stern look, before repeating myself.

The alchemist gave me a deathly cold look.

"I said no."

"Fullmetal. I've let countless reports slide on your part. At least do this one."

"You said it yourself, earlier today. No one really cares about that bakery."

"It isn't about the bakery. It's about you doing your job, and if you don't hand in a report I'm going to have to answer for it. In case you've forgotten, you are of lower rank than me. Therefore, you cannot dispute this."

Ed's expression shifted slightly, into one that was more... panicked?

I sighed.

"I didn't think it would be this big of a deal. It's a simple report. Five minutes, that's all it will take. Can you please just do it already?"

Suddenly the blonde boy began to breakdown.

I stared at him, full of concern, my previous frustration gone.

"Full-… Edward, what's going on?"

Ed was now silently crying, the tears falling off his face as he tried to hide it from me.

He wiped at his eyes with his red sleeve, blinking furiously.

"I'm fine, Colonel. Just tired."

'Just tired'. He had been using that phrase a lot lately. Sometimes, I or someone else would catch him looking incredibly down, and when asked he would reply with 'I'm just tired', smile and walk away.

In the past situations, that was acceptable and believable reasoning.

However, it wasn't here. You don't just breakdown and cry because your commanding officer asked you to write a report.

I stood up from my desk and stopped in front of him.

Looking down at him, trying to read what was happening through his expression, I said,

"Come on, you really expect me to believe that?"

Ed wouldn't meet my eye.

Just then, Riza walked in.

"Colonel Mustang, we just received word..."

She trailed off when she noticed the situation in front of her.

Shutting the door behind her, she walked over to Ed and looked him in the eyes.

Riza didn't say anything, and took a seat on the couch next to where Ed and I were standing.

"Can... Can I ask what happened before all this?"

I told her what happened, starting with my request for a report and ending with her walking in.

Riza shared a look with me. I wasn't entirely sure what she was thinking, but judging by the look in her eyes, I had a feeling she didn't think it was anything serious with Ed.

Ed had wandered over to the window while I was talking to Riza.

She began talking to me in a hushed voice, so that Ed wouldn't hear.

"You sure? He didn't seem off before you asked for the report?"

"He seemed completely normal, nothing different than how he's been the past couple of weeks."

She nodded, a look of concentration on her face.

"Honestly... I think it's just one of those days. I mean, come on, he IS a teenager after all. Teenagers are moody - that's a fact. I don't think you need to worry too much about him. He's been absolutely fine the past couple weeks. If anything, I think he might miss the attention he's been getting. It's hard, to go from having everyone's attention all the time to going back to just being another normal person. He might be struggling dealing with that. I'm not saying he's attention-seeking, I'm just saying... There was a time when Al and Winry, even you and me, would constantly pay attention to him and always make the best effort to include him. Now that things are going back to normal, he might subconsciously miss that. Or... It could be a way to get back at you, for whatever reason he may have."

I turned to look at Ed, who apparently had heard everything Riza had just said.

"I'm not doing this for attention. In all honesty, I prefer it like this. When you guys were pestering me 24/7, I felt suffocated." Ed's tone was biting, and his eyes had gone cold. "But, just for the record, there's a very big difference between being okay and pretending to be okay."

"What... what do you mean?" I was honestly confused.

"I mean that just because someone can appear happy and normal, and perfectly alright, that isn't always the case. Sometimes it's better to pretend to be okay. That way, you don't bother people with your problems and you don't have to deal with people always prying into your life. It's a lot easier."

Riza sighed.

"What are you getting at, Edward?" She inquired.

"Hormones? You really think that that's all this is? Teenage hormones?" Ed stared at both of us incredulously for a moment before continuining. "But honestly - saying that I'm only feeling this way to get attention... You do realize that that isn't going to help anything, right? And saying that I'm doing all this to get back at you? You honestly think I'm that manipulative?"

Edwards voice was shaking. It was clear that he was struggling against crying.

"Edward... I'm sorry. You weren't meant to hear that..." Riza said softly.

"Right, cause that makes it all better. I wasn't meant to hear it, so it's okay that you said it anyways."

Riza opened her mouth to reply, but I cut her off with a look.

"Maybe it's best if the Lieutenant went to go check on the other subordinates."

She looked at me briefly, before taking her leave.

Once the door was shut, I turned towards Edward.

"What she said were her own thoughts, not mine."

"I know..."

I took a deep breath. He sure didn't make it easy to talk to him.

"Could... could you tell me what you were getting at though? With the whole 'pretending to be okay' thing?"

Ed looked at me for a moment, before lowering his eyes and barely voicing,

"You might think that I'm happy right now... But I'm not going to be okay."

"Wha-"

"Please. Don't ask what I mean by that. It's pretty damn obvious."

I sighed.

"Could you at least explain to me what happened, then? What made you breakdown like this?"

It was now Edwards turn to sigh in frustration.

"I don't know."

"Edward..."

"I honestly _don't know."_

I stared at him. How did that even make sense?

"I'm sorry, but that doesn't make any sense... Could you at least try to explain what happened? You were perfectly fine when you first came into my office, but once I brought up the report you suddenly changed..."

Ed was silent. He didn't respond.

"Is it because you don't want to write the report...?"

Ed scoffed.

"Sure. That's it. I'm crying and lashing out because I don't want to have to write a fucking report. Guess I am just one damn hormonal teenager who likes manipulating people's emotions for revenge."

Sarcasm was heavily laced throughout his tone.

"That's not what I was saying..."

"Oh? It wasn't? Is that why you just asked me, 'Is it because you don't to write the report'?"

"I'm sorry. I'm just trying to make sense of the situation here."

"Well, you're not going to. So can I go?"

"Are you going to write that report?"

I realized too late that I should not have just asked that question.

Ed glared at me, and as he slammed my office door shut behind him, I heard him mutter, 'Fuck you'.

I sat for a minute, trying to recollect my thoughts, before realizing that I shouldn't really let him be alone when he's in this state of mind.

Quickly, I got up and exited the office. Ed was already making his way down the street. It was late evening, the sun was setting. It would probably be dark in 10 minutes or so.

I caught up to the teenager, and put my hand on his shoulder, turning him back towards me.

He looked incredibly pissed off, yet he was also crying.

"Ed... Please just talk to me."

"I've tried that. You'll hear what I have to say, but you won't _listen._"

The frustration he was feeling was heard in his voice when he emphasized 'listen'.

"I promise I'll listen. I'll stop trying to come up with reasons about why what's happening is happening. If you say you don't know, then... I believe you. I have no other choice, if you say you don't know then I have to trust that you honestly don't know."

Ed let out a sarcastic, dark laugh.

"Sure, now that the suicidal teen wants to be alone, you suddenly start 'caring'."

I opened my mouth to reply, but found no words. I didn't know how to reply to that.

Suicidal? Obviously, he wasn't in the healthiest state of minds... but.. _suicidal?_

"Edward. Please. Can we at least go back home? I'm not saying we have to talk, or that I'll hover around you, I just want you back inside a building."

"Why? You don't trust my actions?" He asked, a sick tone of amusement in his voice.

As he said this, he began slowly backing into the street. He had his eyebrows raised, as if daring me to come after him.

I stood frozen to the spot.

"Edward, stop. Please."

He was now nearing where the busy cars were passing. I felt the panic rising in my throat.

"Edward, don't do this."

"Why? I'm not doing anything wrong. Just going for a little walk, is all. Just clearing my head." His tone was mocking, with a dark edge to it.

Suddenly, Ed turned around, and bolted through the moving vehicles. Car horns screeched as he ran in front of them, but he made it to the middle of the street, where the line separating the different flows of traffic lay. He turned back towards me, his expression neutral. Watching me, he slowly sat down on the painted line. Cars had to begin swerving around the boy. If one driver wasn't paying attention, if they didn't see him... He was done for.

Which brings me back to where we started.

I was on the sidewalk, yelling at the blonde. I tried looking for a break in the traffic, but so far there was none. He had isolated himself on the busy main street of Central. On his left side, there was a steady stream of traffic cruising along the street. On his right, another stream of cars matched the one to his left. Every few seconds, a car would swerve and narrowly avoid flattening him to his death.

"Edward Elric, as your commanding officer, I command you to get up off your ass and stop being so goddamn childish! Get back on the sidewalk this instant."

I was panicking. I couldn't help it, I knew that using my rank was low but he left me no other choice. I was helpless.

Naturally, Edward looked calm and collected. Of course he wasn't freaking out about the fact that his life could be over any second now.

"Goddammit, Edward!" I yelled.

Not even caring if there was a break in the traffic, I ran out into the street.

A car horn blared, and I had to slam my hands on the hood and jump, in order to avoid being flattened.

Right now, I wasn't fully aware of what I was doing. Instinct was kicking in. I reached the boy, and against much resistance, I flung him over my shoulder and ran back the way I came.

Safely on the sidewalk, I set Edward down and sat beside him, trying to steady my breathing and calm my racing heart.

"Don't. You. Ever. Do. That. Again." I said through gritted teeth.

Ed remained in the calm coolness he had retained for that past 10 minutes.

He didn't say anything. Not trusting him to walk on his own again, I flung him over my shoulder and walked back to the military buildings and reached my car.

I practically threw the small boy into the passenger seat, and slammed the door shut.

It was then that Ed had lost his calm coolness. His eyes had widened in fear, and he now looked upset as I got into the driver seat. We drove in silence, and we reached the house in record timing.

Ed quickly got out and made his way to the front door. I followed, unlocked the door, and soon he was inside and reading on the floor of the library before I took my coat off.

My anger at his recklessness was dying down, and now I was worried. No teenager does what he just did, even if they're depressed. Especially because that all resulted from my asking for a report. I stared at him for a moment, before making my way upstairs. I originally had planned on going to my room to change out of my uniform, but instead I found myself going into Ed's room. For the most part, it was fairly clean apart from the unmade bed and the mess of books on the desk. I walked over to the desk and began looking through the items - for what, I'm not too sure. Finding nothing, I opened the drawers and they were all empty. Going over to the bedside table, I checked that drawer as well. Also empty. Honestly, I didn't know what I was expecting to find. I just expected to find something - anything, that might explain his behaviour. Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair and looked around the room. There wasn't really any other places to hide anything.

I left his room and continued to my room to change out of my uniform and into some more comfortable sweatpants.

I then headed downstairs to make dinner, only... Ed wasn't on the floor in the library now. I checked the kitchen, and then the living room. He wasn't upstairs, I just came from there... I glanced by the door. He hadn't taken off his shoes or his coat when he had come in... I leaned against the entrance hall wall, and let my head thud against the wall.

He was gone.

* * *

**Alriggghttyy... so this chapter took an unexpected turn, even for me. XD**

**Either way, I hope you guys liked it! I'd love to know your thoughts on it c:**

**And thanks to those who were... well, people who told me things like "get well soon" and shtuff. :3 I'm not 100% better, but I'm well enough to keep writing without feeling like my head is going to implode :D**

**(The update took longer because I was focusing on just posting the last couple chapters of my other story, which is now finished! yay! ish.)**

**Aaaanywhos, thanks for reading and **

**OH MY GOD I NEARLY FORGOT THAT I FREAKED OUT OVER THIS STORY BEING ADDED TO ANOOOOOTHER COMMUNITY LIKE WUT**

**Review! c:**

**-HazelEyes8D**


	9. Chapter 9

**I'm sorry. I really am. I'll attempt to explain myself and my prolonged absence after you readers (if you still exist) have gotten your fix. **

* * *

I had searched around Central's city streets for hours. Ed was nowhere to be found.

What the hell has this boy gotten himself into…?

I sure hope he's still alive.

If there is a god up there – please. Let him be alive.

I don't know what I would do if I found out he…

I can't even think the words. It's too much. Maybe I'm acting like a baby right now but he's like a son to me – it would destroy me if he was gone.

I even looked down by the river. I don't know how long I was outside for.

All I remember is waking up on Hawkeye's couch the next morning, still in my sweatpants and t-shirt from last night.

I sat bolt upright, remembering why I was so panicked.

"Riza?" I called out into the morning light of her apartment.

"Yes?" She asked as she made her way to the living room, leaning against the doorframe.

She seemed worried. I guess it made sense though.

"Have…have you seen him?"

A look of confusion crossed her face.

"Ed. Have you seen him?" I clarified.

The confusion remained.

"Look, Roy… I don't know what you're talking about. But all I know is that you came to my apartment door around 3:30 a.m., and you were basically having a panic attack. I couldn't understand a word you were saying. I made you some tea, and once you calmed down, you just passed out. Obviously something happened."

I took a deep breath.

"Last night… After I left work, I went after Ed. He was still in a mood, and… and he almost got himself killed. He ran out into the traffic, and refused to come back to the sidewalk. He just… he just stood there. In the middle of the road. I had to run out and grab him from the middle of the street, otherwise he would have been inevitably killed. I was pissed, and… maybe I was too hard on him… but I… I threw him into the car and slammed the door in his face. I don't think I've ever seen the boy look so frightened of… of me. After we got home, I went upstairs to get changed as he read on the library floor. When I came back downstairs, he was gone."

My voice broke as I said the word 'gone'.

I let my head fall into my hands.

I could feel my head pounding underneath the stress.

"And you didn't find him…"

"Of course I didn't." I snapped.

I didn't mean to snap at her, I was just stressed. And scared.

"I should go back home now. Who knows… maybe he went back…"

I could hear the sarcasm in my own voice.

When I got home, there was a message on the phone.

"Hey, it's Al. I was just calling because I wanted to talk to brother about something. Could you please call me back?"

That was at 10:45 p.m.

I had already left to search for Ed…

Thinking that maybe Ed had gone to see Al, I decided to try calling him.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Al. It's Mustang."

"Oh, is everything okay?"

I sighed.

"Not exactly… You haven't happened to talk to Ed today, have you?"

"Nope. I called your house last night to talk to him, but he never called back. Why?"

"Oh.. It's…nothing. You don't need to worry about it."

I was about to hang up the phone when Al's voice stopped me.

"Wait! Did something happen?"

He deserved to know. I just didn't know how to tell him that his older brother has gone missing and could possibly be dead, for all I knew.

"Um… Ed left the house last night and didn't come back. I looked for him, but so far I haven't found him."

"WHAT?"

The younger Elric sounded extremely panicked.

It sounded as if he had dropped the phone, because moments later Winry's voice came through the receiver.

"Colonel? What's going on?"

She also sounded worried.

"It's okay. Everything's under control, you two don't need to worry. I'll call you back later today, alright? Tell Alphonse that for me please."

I hung up the phone. I shouldn't waste my time trying to console these kids with my words. They needed to know Ed was okay.

I looked in every room of my house, and after concluding that Ed still hadn't come back I returned to the streets.

Asking everyone I encountered if they had seen the blonde boy, each replied with a 'no'.

It was almost 3 in the afternoon.

What was I supposed to do?

I stopped.

If I were Edward Elric and pissed off at the world and quite possibly suicidal, where would I go?

….

I'd get my ass on the next train as fast as possible and get the hell away from everyone.

Yeah. That sounds about right.

I went to the train station and asked the workers there.

They said that they last saw a boy meeting my description getting on last night's train for East City.

Okay. I guess I'm going out East.

But… I should probably tell someone where I'm going.

Wait. I'm a grown man. There isn't any time or need for that.

And with that, I bought a train ticket and boarded the 3:45 p.m. train bound for East City.

The train ride was incredibly boring and extremely uneventful.

Once I reached East City, I began asking around the station to see if Ed had gotten on yet another train. The workers replied with a 'no', saying that they last saw the boy head in the general direction of the hotel.

Inside the hotel lobby, I made my way over to the front desk.

"Good evening. I was wondering if you could tell me if there's a Edward Elric staying here, and if so, which room he's in?"

The girl behind the counter looked a little flustered.

"Um... Could you please describe the person? I'm sorry, but I don't see any Elric's on the list... But maybe I would recognize a description?"

She clearly was a new employee.

"He's 16 years old but he looks about 12, he's incredibly short with blonde hair that was probably braided back. He would've been wearing a red overcoat and black pants with boots. Sound familiar?"

"Oh! The boy with the pretty eyes! Yes - oh, but... he specifically asked that we don't allow any visitors. I'm sorry."

I sighed in frustration.

"Look, I don't think you understand. I need to see him."

My voice had gained an edge to it, much less polite than it had started.

"I'm sorry, sir, but it's against our policy if a customer has requested specifically not to give out his room number."

I was fed up with this girl right now. I was too worried.

"I'm Colonel Roy Mustang, and up there is State Alchemist Edward Elric. I'm his commanding officer. He up and fled last night and is mentally unstable. I command you to tell me where he is. Right. Now."

Okay, so I overdid it. A lot.

The poor girl didn't deserve all that anger, but too late. It already happened.

With widened eyes, she said,

"Oh... I-I'm so sorry...Sir... 203. He...He's in 203."

"Thank you."

With that, I stalked off and up the staircase to the second floor. Reaching room 203, I knocked on the door.

I knew that if I spoke, alerting Edward of who was on the other side of his door, there was no way in hell he would open the door.

But no one came to the door.

I noticed the "do not disturb" hanging on the door handle.

Remembering the last time he had been on the other side of a locked door, I began to panic. Chances are that if my suspicions were correct, he would be in an even worse state than he had been on the bathroom floor.

I took a deep breath. I hadn't even tried the door yet. For all I know, it was unlocked, and he could be sleeping.

I slowly tried the doorknob, and to not much surprise, it was locked.

Running back down to the front desk, I looked at the keys hanging on the wall, and looking for 203, I took the staff key for the room and raced back up, ignoring the protests from the girl working.

Sliding the key into lock, I swiftly unlocked the door and opened it.

I was met with the sight of...

Nothing.

The bedroom was empty and a pristine type of clean. The bed was made, and looked as if no one had so much as sat on it.

Looking around the room, I noticed that the bathroom door was open but the light was off. There was no sign of anyone being in there, either.

I scanned the room. No one was in sight.

Doing another scan, I noticed a closet on the other end by the window.

Slowly approaching the closet, I felt myself stop breathing.

The room door slammed shut, and I jumped. I guess since I had left it's side, it began to swing back to shut.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart.

"Edward...?" I called out tentatively.

I opened the closet door, and was met with pitch black.

As my eyes adjusted, I could barely make out the shape of a body lying on the floor, curled in towards itself. Shallow, shaky breaths were heard.

"Edward..."

I fell to my knees, and reached out a hand towards the younger alchemist. As my hand rested on his shoulder, I had a feeling something wasn't right.

I carefully turned the boy over, so I could see his face.

His eyes were closed. His lips were dry and cracked. His face was drained of colour.

The only thing that gave me hope was the sound of his shallow breathing.

I gently pulled the boy out of the closet and out into the open to examine him for any injuries.

As I pulled him towards me, the smell of blood hit my nose in a powerful wave.

I checked his wrist.

And...

It was clean. No new cuts. No blood. No nothing. Just scars.

Yet, clutched in his right hand was what appeared to be a knife, the handle engraved with the hotels name.

I took the knife from out of his small hand.

And then I saw it.

It was barely visible, but still there.

On his black shirt, there was a notable darker spot.

I carefully pulled off his jacket, followed by his black tank top, to reveal several incisions on his own stomach. The amount of blood... it was horrifying.

The cuts... They were incredibly deep.

I was surprised he hadn't bled to death sooner.

Who knew how much longer he had.

Taking another deep breath, I scooped the boy up in my arms, along with the discarded clothes, and quickly made my way out of the hotel. The girl at the front desk stared at us with fear in her eyes, but I didn't stop to console her.

Luckily, the hospital was just across the street.

I ran into the emergency room doors, and upon seeing the boy in my arms, the nurse secretary ran over to us.

"Oh my god..." she muttered as she took in the sight of the small boy in my arms.

She told me to follow her, and she immediately led me through the doors and into a hospital room.

"Lay him here. I'll go get Doctor Flynn."

I nodded and did as I was told.

After draping Ed's jackets and shirt over the back of a chair, the doctor came rushing in.

He examined Ed for a moment before asking,

"What happened?"

"I...I'm not entirely sure. I just found him, in an empty hotel room with a knife clutched in his hand, unconscious and bleeding to his own death."

The doctor's eyebrows creased with concern.

He muttered something to the nurse, and soon I was rushed out and forced to wait until they called me back in.

In the waiting room, I remembered I had promised to call Al.

Dialing the number into the payphone, I waited.

"Hello?"

It was Winry who answered. She sounded out of breath, as if she had just run to the phone.

"Hello, Winry. It's Mustang."

Before I could continue speaking, she cut me off.

"Have you found Ed?!"

"Yes. He... We're now in East City. He had taken a train last night. Everything's under control right now."

"Where are you calling from?"

"The... the hospital."

Winry went silent.

"Oh god..."

"Yeah... Look, I'll give you guys a call as soon as I can, but right now I'm waiting to hear from the doctors on his condition."

"Is it bad?"

"...Yes."

There was no use lying to her at this point.

The girl broke down into tears on the other line.

"I trust you'll talk to Al... I'll talk to you later."

I hung up the phone.

After hours of waiting, finally the doctor came out.

"He's lost too much blood. Currently, he's on life support. We don't know if he will fully recover. He caused severe damage to his abdomen. After we stitched up the incisions, and were making a report, he woke up. You're free to go see him. However, I would like to have a word with you or him fairly soon."

I nodded.

I opened the door to the hospital room to find Ed staring out the window at the crimson sunset.

"Hey..." I said tentatively as I made my way over to him and sat in the chair beside the bed.

He didn't say anything. I didn't expect him to.

The sun set. The stars came out. The hospital went quiet.

"Colonel...?"

The boy's voice was weak, and he slowly turned towards me. I've never seen him look so sick and... deathly.

"Yeah?" I whispered back to him.

"What's the point?"

"What's the point in what, Edward?"

"What's so good about picking up the pieces?"

He let that question hang in the air before asking another one.

"What if I don't even want to?"

"What...what are you saying?"

"I... I don't see the point in fixing me. Especially because I don't want to be fixed. Why couldn't you have just left me to die?"

A tear fell from the golden eyes staring into mine.

"Don't talk like that..."

I stared at him.

"I'm never going to let you give up that easily, Edward. I know you have so much more than this to live for. Think about Al, and Winry, and your Aunt Pinako... and everyone at work... I don't think you realize how much you mean to all of us. We would be crushed if you killed yourself."

Ed didn't reply, but I knew he heard what I had said.

Soon, Ed fell asleep, and so did I.

I woke up at about 3:30 a.m.

Ed was already awake, and was quietly singing to himself.

"Hold me close... Don't let go... Watch me... In this hospital for souls..."

He was singing that to himself, over and over again. I didn't recognize the song.

* * *

**Alright, so if any of you are curious, the song that Ed was ... singing lol was Hospital For Souls by Bring Me the Horizon. If you've never heard it, I strongly suggest you give it a listen. It's a beautiful, powerful song... and an amazing band. Anywhoooos,**

**I didn't update for so long because... well, life got in the way. I don't think I'm sick, but... I'm not exactly healthy either, but don't worry readers. I'm perfectly fine to write, because writing is an escape for me. So, hopefully the next update won't take a month. Also, I got super behind on schoolwork, and considering I used to be a straight A student, my parents flipped shit and my teachers got worried. Whatever. That's done. **

**Lastly, I'm going to New York in a couple days and so I won't update for probably another 2 weeks. **

**Thanks to all those who reviewed, favourited, followed, and took the time to read my story. c:**

**- HazelEyes8D**

**(Also, if any of you caught the other lyric reference in here... You are beautiful and should marry me, kay? If not, then ignore this little part. ;P)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Woo. Okay. Sorry this took awhile. Updates are probably gonna be a little slower since I'm practically failing Science this year. Woo.**

**Anywhos,**

**Enjoy! c:**

* * *

I slipped back into sleep, only to be awakened what seemed like moments later by voices.

"You're a patient at the Central Hospital?"

"I've been there before."

"But you're a patient?"

"I wouldn't call it that."

I interrupted the conversation with the doctor.

"Yes, he's a patient, whether he would like to admit it or not."

"Okay." The doctor nodded as he wrote something on his clipboard.

The machine hooked up to Ed's heart was producing a beep every few moments. The pause between each beat seemed far too long.

As the doctor finished writing, he swiftly left the room.

I glanced over at Ed. He didn't look any better than he had when I found him. Well, apart from the fact that he was now conscious. Ed still had the deathly look about him, and the colour hadn't yet returned to his face.

"What are you staring at?" Ed's harsh voice asked.

"Nothing." I simply stated.

Ed rolled his eyes.

A silence followed this.

I had no idea what to say to him. It was very clear that he didn't want to talk right now. Who was I to force him to speak?

What he told me last night...

That he didn't want to fix things. That he just wished I had left him there to die.

Could...could he actually have meant that?

I wanted to ask him that, so badly, but I knew that asking would only piss him off.

"What drove you to this point, Edward? What made you feel that the only escape was suicide?"

I hesitantly asked this, and Ed was silent for several moments.

I almost thought he was going to just ignore that.

But then...

"I... I don't think it was a specific something that made me feel this way. It's more the fact that nothing is changing. I've felt the same way for the past year. Nothing's changed. If it has, it's only gotten worse. Everybody keeps telling me 'things won't always be like this' and 'you'll feel better if you just give it some time'. Well guess what. They're wrong. Maybe I'm expecting things to change too quickly, but in all honesty - is one year's difference too much to ask for? It would be nice if things would start to seem even a little more positive. But no. There... there doesn't seem to be any end to this. So naturally, the only solution there is... well... was... to try to... end it."

Ed struggled with his words at the end of his rant. It was clear he himself didn't even want to admit that he had tried to kill himself. He couldn't bring himself to say those words.

"I just... I thought you had gotten better these past couple of months. Everyone thought you had gotten better..."

"I know. That's because I wanted you guys to believe it. Riza kept telling me to 'fake it til' I make it'. So, I faked it. I made you guys believe I was happy. I pulled that off so well to the point where, when I_ stopped_ pretending, that's when you guys thought I _was_ pretending... I just kept suffocating any emotion I felt, hiding it and ignoring it. Burying it deep within me... Only, I found out the hard way that that doesn't work. All it does is cause the emotions to build up within me, to explode in an out-of-proportionate manner. The slightest things trigger my downfall... I just... I'm tired of living like this. I want it to change, but I know it never will. So I've given up."

I couldn't reply to this. I was at a loss for words.

The doctor returned just now.

"So... Edward Elric... I hear you were prescribed anti-depressants a few months ago? How has that been going?"

"What do you mean?" Edward's tone was biting.

"I mean, have you been taking them daily like you should be?"

"Of course I have." Now, Ed seemed defensive.

….

And now it all made sense.

The doctor figured it out before I did. And he's only known Ed for about... 12 hours.

Ed had been skipping his pills. I should've paid more attention to him, making sure he swallowed them but... The thought never occurred to me that he would be pretending to swallow them.

Hell, this was worse than I thought.

He hadn't been getting better at all.

The Doctor studied Edward.

"No, I don't think you have been. I'm afraid that your actions are speaking against you. If you had been taking them, there is no way you would've ran away and stabbed yourself multiple times on the floor of a hotel closet."

Edward lost all determination in his face.

Now, a look of defeat crossed his features.

He looked so little. His lower lip was trembling.

It's as if the reality of his situation was just now coming crashing down on him.

The doctor only nodded and uttered a "hmm" before handing the boy some pills.

"Painkillers. Anti-depressants. Anti-psychotics. One a day, every day."

Ed nodded.

Apparently, I was the only one perturbed by the fact he was now supposed to be on anti-psychotics.

"Wait, anti-psychotics? Is that really necessary?"

"I'm afraid so. When I called the hospital in Central, I heard word of the recent events. About how Edward had a little incident with the traffic on main street. Like it or not, that is not the actions of a depressed teenager. That is psychotic behaviour."

I felt as my head was going to explode.

How could such a young boy, with so much potential, be going through this?

His entire life is now going to be affected by this.

I glanced at the blonde boy.

Silent tears were running down his face.

Reality must be hitting him like a slap in the face.

The doctor took his leave.

I watched as Edward swallowed each of his pills.

"Colonel...I...I'm sorry."

Edward's voice cracked as he spoke.

"No, I am. I should have paid more attention. We all should have..."

"You can't blame yourself for not seeing what I was hiding. I didn't want anybody to notice."

My head fell into my hands.

Suddenly, I felt arms wrap around me. I pulled my hands away from my eyes to see that Ed had moved himself to the edge of the bed, and was now hugging me.

It should be the other way around. I should be hugging him right now.

Nevertheless, once the initial shock of Edward actually choosing to hug me passed, I placed one hand on his back and the other on his head, returning the hug.

"Ed?"

…

"Yeah?"

"Can you promise me that you'll never try to kill yourself again?"

Silence.

"I promise."

I closed my eyes. I knew he meant it. Or at least, he meant that he would do his best to stop himself from going to that state of mind where he would. Either way, that was enough for me right now.

I pulled the younger alchemist closer to me, tightening my grip on him. I didn't want to risk losing him. I felt like, if I were to let go, I would lose him for good.

And so we stayed that way for god knows how long.

I don't think either of us were really aware of anything anymore.

We both had gone numb from everything that happened.

* * *

**Alrighty, so it's fairly short, but uh... yeah. :p**

**And to those of you who got my Pierce the Veil reference, I LOVE YOU ALL. (I didn't officially mention Pierce the Veil, I wanted to see how many (if any) of you would get it. If you don't know, it was when I had Ed say in the last chapter, "What's so good about picking up the pieces?" Thats lyrics from their song Caraphernelia. GO LISTEN TO IT. :3)**

**And the Bring Me the Horizon one, maaan, some of my readers clearly have good music taste ;p **

**And if you didn't get any of those song references, don't worry about it. I still love you. **

**Enough of all dat.**

**New York City was pretty awesome. I went to the Nintendo store, and the lady working there saw that I was fangirling over the Hyrule Historia (Zelda book) and she asked if I was a Zelda fan, I replied with a "hell yeah." and she went into the back of the store and returned with the MASTER SWORD AND HYLIAN SHIELD LIKE WHAAAAT. I was practically crying when she let me hold them. I took so many photos with me holding them. Daaaamn. And then, as I was holding them, she then decided to tell me that they were the exact ones that MIYAMOTO HELD WHEN HE ANNOUNCED TWILIGHT PRINCESSSSSSSS AND SKYWARD SWORD. Sorry. Especially if none of you are Zelda fans. Awkwaaaard. **

**Anywhos, on another note, when I got home from NYC I was feeling pretty shitty, but coming home to read all of your lovely reviews literally brought a smile to my face, and it made my night. Thank you guys, so much c': **

**So... I'll guess I'll leave it at that.**

**-HazelEyes8D**


	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry for the wait, again. **

**I tried to make this a little longer - especially considering last chapter was pretty short :p But in reality, it's just average length, if not slightly shorter ... maybe. I dunno. I'll shut up now.**

**Oh - I got a couple people asking why Ed wasn't taking his pills.**

**Well, the way I see it, a) It doesn't fit with the whole Edward Elric personality (but then again, what about this story does? :p)**

**and b) Ed didn't want to admit there was something wrong with him that caused him to need medication. He thought he could get better on his own. **

**So, yeah. :3 **

**Enjoy! c:**

* * *

Later in the afternoon, Ed was permitted to be transferred back to Central's hospital.

The train ride back was uneventful.

Ed was silent.

He was either staring out the window, lost in thought, or asleep.

I didn't mind.

Once we were back in Central, Ed had asked if I could just bring him back to my house instead of the hospital.

Obviously, I told him no. For one thing, he still needed to be in the hospital with his self-inflicted injuries, and for another - I wasn't sure what I would do as a next step to help him. I was lost.

That was the only thing Ed had said to me basically all day.

He was quiet as we sat in Central Hospital's waiting room.

It wasn't long until a doctor - the same one that had prescribed the anti-depressants only months ago, came and took Ed into one of the rooms. I wasn't allowed to come in, apparently.

And so there I sat, in the waiting room.

Hours passed.

No word.

I had no idea what was going on in one of the rooms just off the hall that was barred with two giant white doors.

I wanted to know how Ed was.

I wanted to know what the doctor was saying.

I wanted to know what was going on.

I wanted to know how to help.

But I didn't.

And I wouldn't.

I then realized that Al and Winry would probably want to know what's going on, seeing as I didn't give them much information to go on from our last phone call.

I dragged myself to the payphone in the lobby, and dialed their number.

"Hello?"

It was Winry.

"Hi, Winry. It's Colonel Mustang."

There was a brief pause.

"How is he?"

It was now my turn to pause.

"You should just come see for yourself. He's in the hospital here in Central. I've been waiting for hours, but they still haven't let me in to see him."

There was what sounded like a distant 'we'll be right there' before the line went dead.

I made my way back to my seat in the waiting room.

And I continued to wait.

Al and Winry arrived not shortly after our phone call, and joined me in waiting.

It was quiet for a long time, before Al asked,

"He's still alive, right?"

I had to admit, I was wondering the same thing.

Sure, he was breathing the last I saw him, and the doctor out East took him off of the life support once he regained consciousness.

But the fact remains that he had lost a lot of blood.

And...

And I was fearing the worst with this painful hourly wait.

"Last I saw him, he was."

Winry was crying. She had been crying for a while.

Al remained silent, leaning against the wall.

I was bent over in my chair, my head in my hands.

It had been nearly 6 hours since I had heard anything.

In an almost dreamlike state, I realized the doctor was in front of me, saying something.

Shaking my head to let go of my daze, I looked up at him.

"I'm sorry, I missed all that. Could you please repeat it?" I weakly asked.

"We were just running some tests, doing some observations, and of course meeting his medical needs. I'm afraid he has indeed lost a lot of blood, and it's difficult to say if he's going to get it all back. We're doing our best right now. For now, the best thing we could do was to re-bandage his wounds and place an IV in his arm, to try and pump some blood back into his system."

I nodded.

Winry and Al were hanging on the doctor's every word. I forgot that they still did not know the full story of what happened.

"He's currently unconscious, but you are all allowed to go see him."

The doctor led us to Ed's room, where he then proceeded to leave.

As Winry walked in, she gasped.

Edward looked... well,_ dead_, to say the least.

His skin was completely drained of colour.

Not to mention how shallow his breathing was.

And that the bandages on his stomach were turning a dark crimson colour.

Apparently, the wounds haven't completely stopped bleeding.

The whole fluorescent lighting wasn't helping anything, either.

Winry had stopped in her tracks, her hands held to her face, in shock.

Al had stopped right beside her.

I think he was also in shock.

I guess they never imagined he would look_ this_ bad.

I took a deep breath, and made my way over to Edward's unconscious figure.

After a moment, Winry and Al followed my suit.

Winry took a seat in the chair next to the bed, staring at Ed.

Al had gone to the opposite side of the bed, to be right next to his brother.

I watched in sympathy as the younger Elric slowly reached out a hand and laid it on top of his brother's.

Winry clasped Edward's automail hand in hers as I pulled another chair over to the side of the bed to sit down.

None of us said anything.

Winry was still crying.

And, so was I. The tears were silently streaming down my face.

After a while of sitting there, with Ed and the other two, I excused myself and went outside for some fresh air.

It was about 11:30 p.m.

The streets of Central were fairly empty, with the occasional car here and there. The pavement was damp.

It must've rained.

I didn't have a certain place in mind, but I found that my feet were taking me down to the riverbank where I once found Ed.

I sat down on the edge of the water, and watched as the water trickled down through the stones and passed by.

Ed was right - well, about Al being right. Or something.

Either way, sitting by the waters edge_ was_ a good way to escape and clear your mind.

I didn't know how much time had passed before I stood up and made my way back to the hospital.

In the lobby, I stopped to call Riza.

She was just as involved in helping Ed recover as I was, she deserved to know what happened and why I suddenly disappeared for nearly two days.

After calling her, I went back to the room to check on Ed.

Ed was still unconscious, but Al was missing. Winry had apparently crawled onto the bed beside Ed, filling the empty space left by his small body.

She was still holding his automail hand in hers, and was sitting cross-legged as she looked down at the young alchemist.

Winry didn't hear me open the door, and feeling like an intruder, I quietly shut the door and went back into the waiting room.

Riza was just getting to the hospital as I walked in from the hall of hospital rooms.

She said nothing as she ran over to me, pausing to take in my expression.

"You're crying."

It was a statement.

I hadn't even realized I was crying.

Probably because I hadn't really stopped since the first time I sat in the room, with Winry and Al.

Riza then wrapped her arms around me.

I returned the hug.

The passage of time was completely irrelevant to me these past few hours, because yet again, I didn't really know how long we stood like that in the waiting room for.

I told her what had happened in Eastern City.

What I had found at the hotel, the anti-psychotics, the hours of waiting back here in Central...

We sat in silence a little bit, allowing Winry some more time before we went in.

As I led Riza to Ed's room and opened the door, we found that Winry had fallen asleep next to Ed.

I tried to be as quiet as I shut the door behind us, but my hand slipped off the knob and it shut with a fairly loud bang.

Winry blinked open her eyes, and blushing, she sat up and put a little more distance between her and the alchemist.

Riza smiled warmly, yet sadly, at Winry before she turned her attention to Edward.

I hung back as Riza's face paled with concern as she sat down beside Ed.

The room held an eerie, tense silence.

I could tell that we were all looking for something to say but there just wasn't anything_ to_ say.

All we could do was be sure to do everything we could to never let Edward feel so alone and empty again - something we should've done from the start.

Starting now.

* * *

**Yay for updates! **

**Well, I don't really have anything to say, other than that I absolutely adore all of you lovely readers and reviewers and favouriters and followers and yeah. c: **

**Seriously. I don't think you guys realize how much it means to me when you take the time to read my story, and to review, and awlkajsdl the feels, man. The feels. Love you guys.**

**I'm not really sure how to write the whole recovery part. But I'll figure it out. Don't you worry. :3**

**^^That's just more of me thinking outloud but not outloud because I'm typing and yeah oh my god I should really stop rambling.**

**Aaaaanywhos,**

**Review! c:**

**-HazelEyes8D**


	12. Chapter 12

**Alright, so I'm sorry for the wait. There really isn't any reason for it, other than that I was unsure of this chapter in that it takes a turn I didn't even expect until I wrote it. **

**I thought about changing it, but really, I didn't want to.**

**If, by the end of this chapter, you think the story has gone really off topic and doesn't even make sense, DON'T WORRY. I actually have a plan for how this is all going to make sense in the plot and just let it be, man.**

**Also, I want you to know that I have read the reviews and thank you so much everybody! Means a lot~ :D**

**I just didn't want to take the time to reply to them, I need to post this chapter and goooo.**

**(Also, there may be some minor mistakes since I tried editing it, but at this point, I'll probably go back and fix it after. I just want you guys to read it. :3)**

**Thanks again for sticking with me, and I hope you'll enjoy this! c:**

* * *

"Do I have to?" Ed mumbled.

"Yes."

"But last time, it just made things worse."

"No. What made things worse was the fact that you were skipping your pills. It was not being at work."

Ed moaned and buried his face into his pillow as I continued to try to get him up and ready for work.

"Lying in bed all day is not going to help you get better. That's what the doctor said. The thing that's best for you right now, is to get back into the normal routine of things. And, of course, sticking to your prescription."

Ed mumbled incoherently into his pillow, still refusing to get out of bed.

I walked over to the curtains, and threw them back, allowing the blinding morning sun to light up the room.

Ed lifted his head momentarily, to see what I had done, but quickly returned to burying his head.

"That's not going to make me get up... It's too goddamn bright in here, I'll never open my eyes."

I sighed in frustration.

Being fed up, I made my way back over to the bed and, placing my hands between the mattress and the bed frame, I lifted.

Ed tried to hold on, but once the mattress met a 90 degree angle, he slid off and landed on the floor, blankets and all, with a thud.

Ed groaned.

"That was just unnecessary."

"Was it?" I asked, not bothering to hide the amusement in my voice.

"Yes. I was about to get up."

"Uh huh. Sure you were." I said with a smirk as I walked out into the hallway.

I was down in the kitchen, contemplating what to cook for breakfast, when a showered and clothed Edward Elric sat himself on the countertop.

I shut the fridge and turned towards the younger alchemist.

"What do you feel like for breakfast?"

"Food would be nice."

I rolled my eyes.

"What type of food would you like?"

Ed was silent for a moment, thinking.

"French toast."

I deadpanned.

"French toast?" I asked, incredulously.

"That's what I said."

I stared at him for a moment before giving in.

Sighing, I said,

"Fine. French Toast."

**-Line Break-**

I let my head slam against my desk.

There was too much paperwork.

And I sure as hell was not going to do it.

Nope.

Not today.

I don't care what Hawkeye says.

I just can't focus.

Especially with all the noise coming from just beyond my office door.

Curious, I stood and walked to the door.

Opening it, I found my group of subordinates all crowding around Edward, questioning him about where he had been the past couple of days.

I cleared my throat.

Everyone spun around in surprise. It was almost comical.

I was then greeted with salutes and a chorus of 'sir' - from everyone but Edward, of course.

"What's all the commotion about?" I questioned.

Nobody said anything for a few moments.

Havoc spoke up.

"Oh...Uh, we were just... welcoming back Fullmetal here. We missed him."

I rolled my eyes, and returned to my office.

It didn't surprise me when the second my door was shut, the talking started up again.

As the voices died down, there was a knock at my door.

"Come in." I called out.

Almost hesitantly, the door opened and in came Edward.

I stared expectantly at my subordinate.

"What is it, Fullmetal?"

It was weird calling him that. I had been referring to him as Ed or Edward for months now – I'm not sure what made me decide to say 'Fullmetal' just then.

The young alchemist said nothing as he approached my desk, placed a folder on top, and then turned towards the door.

I picked up the papers.

It was the report that he had refused to write. Even though it was only a couple days ago that I had asked for it, it seemed like it had all happened an eternity ago.

"You didn't have to do this, you know." I said.

Ed stopped, his hand on the doorknob. Turning to look at me, he quietly said,

"Yes I did."

And then he was gone.

After the door had shut, I stared dumbfounded at where the blonde had been moments before.

That certainly was… mature of him.

**-Line Break-**

It was finally the end of the work day.

As I exited my office, I was met with my subordinates.

They all stared at me, while Havoc elbowed Hawkeye which triggered her to say,

"Excuse me, sir, but… seeing as it's Friday, we were all thinking that maybe we could have a staff get-together of sorts? Possibly… at your place, since you have the most space for… people…" She awkwardly trailed off.

I just stared at them for a moment.

They all stared back, with begging eyes.

I sighed.

"Sure, why not."

They all cheered, and that's when my eyes caught splash of gold and red over by the door.

I walked over to Ed, to find him waiting for me.

"So… I'm guessing you're letting them have their party?" He questioned, a slight smirk playing about his lips.

I rolled my eyes while nodding slightly.

"I couldn't have told them 'no' even if I had wanted to."

As we were walking down the front steps of the building, Edward asked,

"Would it be alright if Al and Winry came too?"

"Of course."

"Thanks."

Ed was acting… strange, to say the least.

Not even necessarily strange, just strange in that he seemed so much… older, and mature.

After picking up some food and drinks for later that evening, we had arrived back home.

It was nearing 7 o'clock, and Riza had mentioned that they would be getting there anywhere from between 7 to 7:30.

Ed had called Al, and apparently he and Winry were on their way over.

It was then that I realized maybe it wasn't such a good idea to have those three around, because – knowing Havoc – there was going to be a lot of drinking.

And Ed was only 16, along with Winry. Al was even younger, although he wasn't able to drink anyways… But still, being around it…

I had been putting things into the fridge, while Ed was reading a book on the counter behind me.

I spun around, staring at him as I realized I didn't really know what to do with him.

Ed was absorbed in the book, but I guess my staring had gotten a little obvious and he looked up questioningly.

"Can I help you?"

I just blinked, still thinking about my slight predicament.

Ed arched an eyebrow.

"It's just… I don't know if you, Al, and Winry should be around when… when the others get here."

"You mean when you guys start drinking."

He wasn't even asking. He was stating, as if correcting what I had previously said.

"…Yeah." I said awkwardly.

Edward just looked at me, before smirking and letting out a small laugh.

"You think I've never had alcohol before."

Again, this was a statement. It was slightly irritating.

"Well… have you?" I awkwardly asked.

The blonde just looked at me with an arched eyebrow.

We were both silent.

Then the doorbell rang.

We both momentarily held the stare, before Ed hopped down off the counter and went to the door.

He returned to the kitchen later with Al and Winry following behind him.

I greeted them before I finished putting things in the fridge.

Not long after, Hawkeye showed up.

The three teenagers had disappeared somewhere in the house. I wasn't entirely sure of where.

I couldn't stop thinking about Ed though. I don't know why, but it really bothered me. I wanted to know if he _had_ ever drank before, and if so, to what extent.

I told Riza about my conversation with the blonde alchemist.

She laughed and said,

"I think you're overthinking it. I get it – you have this certain need to protect him, like a father-son kind of thing, but I think you should just brush it off. Although… if you ask me, it sounds like he has."

She laughed again as she finished talking.

I sighed.

Before I knew it, my house was full of people from the different departments at work.

I had been in the living room area with Hughes, but I decided to make my way to the kitchen.

This was going to be one hell of a mess to clean up in the morning.

Upon entering the kitchen, I found Havoc, Breda, and Fuery pouring shots while Edward was, as usual, on the counter with Al standing beside him and Winry sitting beside the blonde alchemist.

"What is that?" Winry asked.

Havoc shrugged his shoulders, smirking.

"Doesn't matter. Drink it." He said as he handed a glass to Ed and then to Winry.

"What are you doing?" I knew I sounded really… pathetic, but I wasn't just going to stand here and watch Havoc intoxicate two minors. Specifially _these_ two minors…

"What the hell does it look like? We're having a good time!" Havoc indignantly replied, visibly drunk.

"I'm not going to let you serve them alcohol."

Havoc then took the glasses from the amused teenagers and placed them on the counter.

"Well then, they can get it themselves."

I rolled my eyes.

"We've already given them some, what difference is this going to make?" Breda added.

I blinked.

They already gave them drinks?

I turned towards the blonde adolescents and studied them.

Winry appeared normal, if not more laid back than usual.

Edward… Edward seemed a little more intoxicated than his friend. Not drunk, but definitely on his way there.

The main giveaway for him was the fact that he was slouching against the side of his brother, his head inclined and his eyes were different. They weren't full of the flaming determination, they were… glazed over, basically.

I shook my head.

"Fine. Whatever."

I then left the group, and when outside to get some fresh air.

I didn't want to be around to witness Edward's drunk episode. I didn't think I would be able to stay calm.

* * *

**It's probably going to take an interesting maybe turn from here, just bear with me.**

**Also, now that it's summer break I have more time to write, so that should be good.**

**But I also have summer school :| **

**Anywhooos,**

**Thank you to all who has been reading, and all those who favourited, followed, reviewed, and also to those who favourited and followed me as an author! :D**

**Love you guys, you all motivate me to continue writing when I see new reviews and shtuff. c:**

**-HazelEyes8D**


	13. Chapter 13

**Sorry this took so long! Life got in the way, but the update is here now so it's all greaaaaaat.**

**And, all my readers, you're all such smart cookies ~ **

**So, it was painstakingly obvious, but either way, yesss alcohol will interfere with Ed's drugs. Yup.**

**But that wasn't the original plan I had when I invented the whole party thing. Yeah, just you waaaait my lovelies :D**

**Anywho's here is the next chapter, and I hope you enjoy it!** **c:**

* * *

I had been sitting on my front steps for about 10 minutes when, next thing I knew, Hawkeye was pulling me up and dragging me back inside, while yelling,

"You idiot!"

I was a little confused, to be honest.

I blankly stared at her, but she just continued dragging me through the house and up the stairs.

"Where are you taking me?"

"The bathroom."

I stopped dead in my tracks, staring at her with wide eyes.

She rolled her eyes impatiently and said,

"It isn't like that you drunken perverted pig. It's Edward."

At the mention of Edward's name, I felt a slight twinge of panic.

"What? What happened?"

"What happened?! You let him drink, that's what happened."

She didn't give me time to respond. She had grabbed back onto my arm and continued to drag me to the bathroom.

The door was left open.

Edward was lying on the bathroom floor, curled in towards himself. I couldn't tell if he was conscious or not.

Winry was also in there, sitting on the edge of the bathtub - crying.

Once I was actually inside, it was obvious that Ed was most definitely not conscious.

I looked at Winry.

"Can someone please tell me what happened?"

I asked.

Winry began to cry even more.

Riza sighed, and let her head fall back against the wall as she spoke.

"Havoc got Ed drunk - and when I say drunk, I mean_ drunk._ He definitely wasn't himself. And, from my understanding of the situation since Winry hasn't said much, Al didn't want to see his brother in such a state and left to go read a book in peace or something. Well, from there, I guess... well, I'm assuming when I say this, that Ed and Winry went upstairs to be by themselves..." Riza trailed off, staring at Winry, hoping she would finish the story.

Winry took a deep breath.

"Just for the record - we weren't doing anything like _that. _He said that he felt sick, and considering how drunk he was, I figured he was going to throw up or something - so I took him up here, to the bathroom. I waited outside in the hall for a little bit, to give him some privacy, but it got all silent for awhile. I knocked on the door, and there was no reply. I tried talking to him, and also no reply. So eventually I opened the door and peeked in, and... and... he wasn't in here. The window was wide open, and I saw him on the roof. On the edge. I didn't know what to do, so I started screaming at him, begging him to come back inside, but he just turned his head and smiled at me. A genuine smile. He told me he was okay, just taking in the view, and that I should go back downstairs. Luckily enough, Riza heard my screaming and came upstairs... She went on the roof and brought him back inside, only he was completely freaking out and fighting back. Riza tried to calm him down, but Ed just... he just backhanded her. I've never seen Edward so... unstable, so violent..."

Winry began to sob again.

I looked at Riza. On her face, there was indeed an angry red mark forming. I didn't notice it before, probably because my mind was too preoccupied with everything going on with Edward.

"It's fine. I'm fine." Riza assured me when she caught me looking.

We both waited, to see if Winry would continue, but it was evident she was done talking.

"Well, during his struggle to fight me off of him, he just passed out. Just like that. I think his blood pressure has gotten to a dangerous level. I don't know."

Riza sounded both irritated and concerned.

It was silent for a few moments.

"...So, why did you need me here?"

I knew how they would react before it even happened.

Both girls shot me dumbfounded looks, and Riza said,

"Because you're the one who's supposed to be taking care of him!"

I could feel a Riza-rant coming on.

"You're the one who's supposed to keep an eye on him. You're the one who's supposed to know where he is and what he's doing at all times. You're the one who's supposed to be ensuring he doesn't kill himself. And yet you let him have alcohol, of all things. How stupid can you be, Roy?! The kid is on anti-depressants and anti-psychotics. Alcohol is a depressant. Obviously, alcohol will only make those medications more potent."

She paused to take a breath, and I took the opportunity to defend myself.

"In my defense, I didn't know that about the medicati-"

"You _didn't know?_! That's bullshit. The doctor even warned you about that - hell, even Al remembers that."

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry, I just wasn't thinking when - "

"Like hell you weren't thinking. If you had been, none of this would have happened. I honestly can't believe you right now. You know what? Just get out. I'll deal with this."

Before I could fully understand what was happening, I was being shoved out of my own bathroom and had my own door slammed right in my face.

I sighed.

Yeah, I fucked up.

I walked downstairs, to be greeted by Havoc.

"Hey, where's Fullmetal run off to?" He asked cheerfully.

"He's not coming back downstairs, Jean." I said firmly.

"What? Why not? It's hardly a party without him down here! C'mon, don't be like this, the kid just wants to have some fun."

"Oh, I know. But you nearly killed him tonight. So I suggest you just let him be."

Havoc blinked.

"What?"

"You heard me. Now please, just forget about him for the rest of the night."

"Is he okay?"

"I don't know." I sighed.

I really didn't know what to do right now. I felt so incredibly useless.

Havoc took the hint, and went back to the party.

I let myself fall down, so that I was sitting on the stairs with my head resting against the banister.

I don't know how much time had passed.

I was barely aware of everyone leaving.

I heard movement behind me, and then Riza was sitting beside me.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have freaked out at you like that. I was just overwhelmed with the situation. I've never had to deal with anything like that - at least, not with someone like Edward - someone so important to me. You know, now I really understand. I understand just how lost you feel when Edward does something so... drastic. I've always just been around as the recon woman - I just had to clean up the aftermath of a moody teenager. But... actually dealing with the situation right then and there... It's totally different. It's so much more stressful. I just... I don't know how you do it."

Silence hung about before I replied.

"Clearly I don't know how to 'do it'. Tonight is proof of that..." I mumbled.

Riza didn't respond - at least, not with words. Instead she just let her head fall onto my shoulder, and wrapped her arms around me.

We were quiet for awhile.

It was when the sky started turning a little pink that we finally moved.

"I know you're doing your best with him. Don't let last night get to you. Nobody can be blamed for what happened."

I nodded as I slowly stood up.

Riza looked up at me.

I noticed that her face was slightly bruised.

"What hand did Edward... hit you with...?"

"His right. Don't worry about me though, I'm fine. Honest." She smiled reassuringly at the end of her sentence, however it seemed like she was more trying to reassure herself.

His automail hand. It's a wonder he didn't fracture something in her face.

"Come on." I said as I pulled her to a standing position and led her into the kitchen.

I found her an ice pack and some medication to help ease the pain.

I started making some coffee, and as it was brewing, I turned around to find Riza smiling to herself.

"What is it?" I questioned.

"Oh - um... Well, I just realized that after I moved Edward into his bedroom and laid him in his bed, and made sure everything was okay until morning, that Winry had stuck behind in his room."

I looked at her.

"And?"

"Well... I don't know, it's just kind of... cute?"

I gave her a questioning look before deciding to go look for some food.

It was about 6 a.m.

There wasn't really much point in going to sleep now. It wouldn't be the first time I've been awake for two days.

**-Line Break- **

It was now 1 in the afternoon, and there was still no sign of either teenagers from the previous night.

Deciding that it would be good to check on them, just to make sure that they were still alive, I went upstairs.

Riza was still around... somewhere. I think she found a guest room to take a nap.

I cracked open Edwards door, to find him still out like a light and that Winry was sleeping peacefully curled up beside him.

I would've let them sleep longer, only I was slightly bored and also - I wanted to make sure Edward was still alive.

I opened the door completely and then turned on the bedroom light.

This had no effect what-so-ever.

I walked over to the window and pulled back the curtains, causing Winry to stir in her sleep.

And Winry's stirring caused Edward to stir.

And Edward stirring caused Winry to wake up and open her eyes.

Her proximity to Ed probably freaked her out first thing in the morning, and she abruptly sat up.

Her sudden movement caused Ed to, very reluctantly, open his eyes.

There was moment where the two of them just stared at each other, wide eyed.

I now knew why Riza had thought it 'cute' when she realized Winry was still up here.

As their faces turned slightly scarlet, I cleared my throat.

It was too entertaining, watching their embarrassment.

"How are you two feeling?"

"Like shit." Winry mumbled, as she put her head into her hands.

Ed mumbled something incoherently as he covered his face with his pillow.

"Am I talking too loudly?" I asked - possibly a little louder than necessary.

"Yeeeessss." Winry whined.

Again, Ed mumbled incoherently.

As completely and horribly cruel as I was being, it was only going to teach the two of them lessons.

"Oh, the joys of alcohol." I said as I pulled the pillow off of Edward's face.

"Now. Both of you - get up."

"But... it's so early..." Ed complained.

"It's one in the afternoon. Get up."

I made sure to slam the door as loudly as possible before leaving them be.

Okay. So yes, I could have handled that situation better.

But, no harm done right?

They just had to wake up, and deal with their pounding headaches and possible nausea.

It's part of drinking. Well, over-drinking.

They'll be fine.

* * *

**Yayaayayay for subliminal shipping! Well, kind of. Not really. It's pretty obvious what's going on here. xD**

**Annnywho's, I know this chapter isn't really all that interesting and dramatic, it's more light hearted (kinda) and ... basically filler. **

**But, whatever, just you wait for what I has planned~ :D**

**Okay, yeah, I'm in a weird mood right now, I apologize for any weird things...**

**So, let me know what you think!**

**Review! c:**

**- HazelEyes8D**


	14. Chapter 14

**This chapter is literally the shortest and most pointless thing ever. I'm sorry. I kinda forgot I had a story, and also, I realized that the summer is when I read a lot of fanfiction but don't really write a lot of fanfiction...**

**So, this kinda just summarizes basic things, tying up some things from the last chapter... and then, because I felt bad for the lack of length of the chapter, I added in a little sneak peeky thing from either the next chapter or the one after :D**

**Also, thank you to all of my reviewers! I would reply to them, but I'm a lazy piece of shit right now xD**

* * *

A week had passed since the party and Edward's... incident.

I had forced Riza to go to a Doctor - Edward had fractured her jawbone.

Edward was eaten away with guilt - he didn't know what to do about what he had done.

But, Riza assured Edward that everything was fine which seemed to help him a little bit.

At work, things were slightly better. Edward seemed to be more on friendly terms with my subordinates - not that they ever weren't, just now Edward spent more time hanging around the offices.

Al hadn't spoken to Edward since the night of the party. I assume he was still mad at his brother for what had occurred there.

Winry had returned to Resembool, claiming that her grandmother had requested help with finishing up some automail orders.

Both Elric's had seen her off, but from what I've heard, Al was the only one to actually hug her and say goodbye. Edward had muttered a 'bye' and given an awkward wave. I guess the two teens were still feeling slightly awkward.

But, aside from all of that, Edward seemed better. He was co-operating with taking his medications, and wouldn't object to any work-related assignments.

I was glad he was getting to know his co-workers too. It seemed that Havoc had taken a liking to Edward - Jean had promised me that he wouldn't give Edward anymore alcohol. He didn't know about Edward's … 'condition', so to speak, but there seemed to be a silent understanding that it wasn't good for the teenager.

Havoc didn't question it, either.

Edward seemed to becoming good friends with Havoc over the next few weeks, and there were no problems for the most part.

* * *

**~Random snippet from the next chapter because this one sucks and is so short and I felt bad for leaving you guys for so long~**

* * *

"You idiot! It's going to kill him!" I shouted, enraged at the blonde's idiocy.

"I didn't know, I swear! I just wanted to help!"

"Yeah, well, what a great help you've been." My voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Roy, calm down, it isn't the end of the world. I can fix this - I swear."

"_You _can fix this? No, you've done enough. Just please. Leave."

"I have every right to be here, I just want to help. Please."

"No. I'm done with your 'helping'. Leave, before I say or do something I might regret."

"O-okay, okay. I get it. You're pissed. You have every right to be, just please - don't send me away. I promise it won't happen again, I'm just trying to help, okay? Can you let me do that?"

"I'm sorry. But I can't. Please. Just go."

I sighed as I watched the retreating figure.

Sure, I was harsh, but I had to be. Was I the only one left who paid attention to the kid?

* * *

**So that's that, I would've put off the update a little longer to give you guys something better but, this is still part of the story and also I'm going to Maine for the next couple of weeks so I won't be able to update or anything and I've made you guys wait long enough :| **

**But, thank you for putting up with me and my awful updating habits, I promise that the next update will be so much better and intense and boom plot plot plot will be there and yeah. :D **

**Love you all, lovely readers c:**

**- HazelEyes8D**


	15. Chapter 15

**I cannot apologize enough for taking a month to update. I'm sorry, I hope it doesn't happen again.**

**So, the last preview for this chapter probably made it seem uber dramatic but I feel like you guys might find the actual situation anti-climatic xD **

**Um. Think that's all I have to say for now.**

**Thank you to all who reviewed! I did (and do) read all of them, they mean so much to me! Thanks! :D**

**Enjoy! c:**

* * *

I let out a long sigh as I locked the door to my office, signalling the end of another long week at work. It was the weekend now, and I couldn't wait to just go home and relax.

Edward had said he was going to go around the town with Havoc for a bit today and that if he wasn't home when I got off work, that I shouldn't worry.

So I still was slightly iffy on the whole Havoc spending time with Ed situation, but I felt fairly confident that Havoc understood not to be so irresponsible with the teen.

Edward was spending a lot of time with Jean. It was good to see him in higher spirits nowadays, laughing and joining in conversations now. I had gotten used to the fact that Edward would now always reek of cigarettes due to his exposure to them with Havoc. The first time Ed came home smelling like that, I had questioned him because I was afraid that he was smoking himself. He assured me that it was just second-hand smoke. Nothing to worry about.

It seemed Havoc was almost always at my house now. I'd say the two blonde's were now best friends.

Ed had tried to talk to Al, but the younger Elric wouldn't take to it. In a brief conversation, he revealed that he was going to Resembool. I think Ed took this harder than he let on. He pretends it doesn't bother him, but I don't believe him. His brother was the last family he had, and he left him. Well, I don't think it's really as drastic as all that. Al probably just wanted some space and time to think. I really don't know.

I had stopped at the market and picked up some groceries before continuing on my way home.

Upon arriving at my house, I saw that Havoc and Ed were sitting on the front steps. They seemed to not notice my arrival, so when the slam of a car door resounded Ed jumped a little, his eyes widening as I approached, and he was twisting the bottom of his shoe on the pavement.

"How was your day?" I asked.

Ed gave a noncommittal shrug while Havoc replied,

"Good. And yours?"

"Long. And boring."

There was a slight pause where Ed wouldn't meet my eye.

I glanced at my watch. 6 p.m.

"Are you two hungry?"

This was met by two eager nods.

I smiled a little as I made my way past them and into the front hall.

Okay, so they were acting a little weird, but it's no big deal, right?

I began making a dinner of stew – Edward's favourite.

Just as I was cutting up some vegetables to put into the broth, the two blondes came bouncing into the house, laughter filling the silence.

They came into the kitchen, and when Ed's eyes flicked between the pot on the stove and the vegetables being cut up, his face lit up.

"Stew tonight – fuck yeah." He exclaimed as he pulled himself up onto the counter to sit.

Havoc was looking around in the fridge for something to drink.

"Hey, Jean, can you get me something to drink?" Ed asked.

"What do you want?"

"Anything."

"Just tell me what you want."

"But I don't care."

"If you don't tell me something, I'm not getting you anything."

Ed sighed.

"Fine. Can I have some…" Ed trailed off, pausing to think.

"Milk?" I suggested, a smirk plastered to my face.

Ed pulled a face.

"Very funny. Um… I guess I'm fine with just water."

Soon enough, the stew was finished and the three of us were seated around the table, eating the food in a comfortable silence.

**-Line Break-**

It was the next morning, and after I had showered and gotten dressed I knocked on Ed's door to get him up for work.

"Ed, wake up, you have work."

No response.

I cracked open the door to find the blonde cocooned into the blankets, barely visible except for a peek of blonde hair sticking out.

"Ed. Come on, you have to get up now."

He grumbled incoherently.

I opened the door wider, and as I was walking towards his bed to shake him awake something on his desk caught my eye.

I stopped in my tracks, staring at the little box.

Was…was that a pack of cigarettes…?

I walked a little closer to the item to find that it indeed was a package of cigarettes.

Only one person would give Ed cigarettes.

Havoc.

In a firm voice, I said one last time,

"Ed. Get up." Before walking out of the room, slamming the door shut behind me.

It was a quiet drive to work. Ed was still half asleep, and my mind was a little too preoccupied.

I wanted to talk to Ed about it, but I was still angry at Havoc for giving the teen the cigarettes in the first place. I decided it was better to deal with my anger and Havoc before trying to talk to the troubled teen.

We walked into the office, greeted by a chorus of 'good morning sir's and 'morning Fullmetal's.

Instead of going straight to my office, I made my way over to Havoc's desk. Ed, who normally went straight to Jean's work area, stopped and watched me, confused. So were the other subordinates, apparently, because it became very silent and still in the work atmosphere by the time I reached Havoc's desk.

"I need to talk to you."

Havoc look startled, if not confused.

"O-Okay, sir."

"Outside. Now."

Havoc slowly stood up from his desk, clearly nervous.

I turned and led the way out of the office, fully aware that all eyes were carefully watching us.

Once in the hall, Havoc stopped.

"What's up-"

I brushed past him, signalling for him to follow me.

I led him out onto the front steps of the military building. Most workers were already inside having started their day of work. It was just me and Havoc.

I was silent for a moment, looking Jean in the eyes with an icy stare.

He gulped.

"Did you give Edward cigarettes?" I asked, my voice dangerously low and even.

His eyes widened a little, caught off guard.

"Wha- No, um, I mean… Maybe?"

I stared at him.

"Okay, so I did. Is it really that bad?"

"Is it _that_ bad? Oh no. Not at all. Giving the depressed, self-medicating, suicidal teenager cigarettes is not by any means _bad_, Jean."

Havoc looked overwhelmed. He slowly sat on the steps, taking in what I just told him.

"D-depressed…? Suicidal? Edward?"

I stared at him, letting the look on my face answer his question.

"Why?" I questioned.

"Why what?"

"Why did you give him cigarettes?"

Havoc averted his gaze.

"Well… Um, I noticed that he seemed a little on edge all the time, and that he had a habit of biting his nails, and… and fidgeting with his hands, and whenever I smoked around him he would stare at the cigarette in some sort of…fascination? I don't know, he asked if he could try one and I let him, and I told him that I thought it might be good for him because he just seemed so strained all the time and stressed and… It seemed to help him, okay? I just wanted him to be happier."

"You wanted him to be happier as he develops cancer. Yeah, okay."

Havoc scoffed.

"Look, he seems more relaxed and generally happier now, so it's not a bad thing for him to be smoking. There are worse things he could be doing."

"You mean like slitting his own wrists?"

Havoc seemed perturbed by my forwardness.

"Y…you mean he… he did that?"

I sighed. I shouldn't be the one telling Havoc all this. If Ed wanted him to know, he would've told Jean himself.

"Yeah, he did. But if you want to know more, you should talk to Ed about it. Not me."

"So… If smoking is working to stop him from… from hurting himself, then it's not a problem is it?"

I couldn't take it anymore. Something inside me snapped and all control I had over my anger was unleashed.

"You idiot! It's going to kill him!" I shouted, enraged at the blonde's idiocy.

Jean, caught off guard, exclaimed in defense,

"I didn't know, I swear! I just wanted to help!"

"Yeah, well, what a great help you've been." My voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Roy, calm down, it isn't the end of the world. I can fix this - I swear. It's not like he's addicted yet or anything… I think…"

"_You _can fix this? No, you've done enough. Just please. Leave."

Sure, it's a work day, but as his commanding officer I could order him to take a day off.

"I have every right to be here, I just want to help. Please."

"No. I'm done with your 'helping'. Leave, before I say or do something I might regret."

If he kept pushing it, I don't know if I'd be able to keep my anger slightly in check. I didn't want to end up firing a perfectly good subordinate.

"O-okay, okay. I get it. You're pissed. You have every right to be, just please - don't send me away. I promise it won't happen again, I'm just trying to help, okay? Can you let me do that?"

"I'm sorry. But I can't. Please. Just go."

I sighed as I watched the retreating figure.

Sure, I was harsh, but I had to be. Was I the only one left who paid attention to the kid? The only one who looked out for his well-being?

* * *

**So it's a little shorter than I would have liked, but I hope it satisfies your need for an update. Again, sorry I took so long.**

**To be honest, I want to wrap up this story soon. I don't have the same motivation to write it anymore, but I can't just not finish it and so I'll still give you a guys a proper ending, don't worry :D**

**Also, on a side note, I know that some people who read stories like this often have dealt with or are currently dealing with self-harm or depression, that type of thing, in their own life. If any of you readers are going through something like this, I just want you guys to know that if you need someone to talk to I'm here, even if you've never reviewed or anything, you can PM me or leave a review, whatever. I know what it's like, and I'll do my best to help you guys out or just hear you out kind of thing. I just felt that I should address that, so yeah...**

**Now that that's out of the way, let me know what you guys think? Also, since I'm looking to resolve the story soon, you might want to tell me certain points of interest you want to see resolved/dealt with, because I don't want to leave anything out that you guys want to read :D**

**Thanks for reading! **

**-HazelEyes8D**


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